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Top ten things for Varg Vikernes to do once he’s been released from prison after sixteen years:

  1. Make love to wife without supervision of prison guards.
  2. Take eighteen month old son on first church burning.
  3. Visit Euronymous’ grave. Piss on it.
  4. “Work on farm,” kill all animals and crops.
  5. Audition to be new lead singer for Velvet Revolver.
  6. Cash in on reunion mania, re-join Mayhem.
  7. Deep and meaningful Decibel cover story.
  8. Deep and meaningful Revolver story that will end up on page 26 because AFI had a new album coming out that month.
  9. Catch up on missed episodes of VH1’s I Love the 90s, wonder why he wasn’t included.
  10. Pitch life story as a Hollywood movie: The Tromsø Redemption.

-AR

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