50 PEOPLE I VALUE LESS THAN A PILE OF MY DOG’S FECES

1. Eddie Ojeda.
2. Joey Belladonna.
3. Joey Belladonna’s manager.
4. People who like the new Linkin Park song.
5. People who think Transformers 2: Revenge of the Multiplex Mongoloids is a good movie.
6. People who think G.I. Joe: Rise of Fuck Your Face is going to be a good movie.
7. Everyone who isn’t Stanley Kubrick that makes a movie with a colon in the title.
8. Everyone who sees the new version of The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 but has never seen the original.
9. Everyone keeping The New York Post in business.
10. Glenn Beck.
11. The vagina Glenn Beck clawed his way out of.
12. Sean Hannity.
13. Sarah Palin.
14. Michelle Bachmann.
15. Dr. Laura.
16. Everyone who saw Dr. Laura’s In Praise of Mom.
17. Everyone who helped make Dr. Laura’s In Praise of Mom.
18. Whomever the fuck programs those ads before the movie.
19. Everyone who ever has, does, or will work for Sallie Mae.
20. Everyone who thought my Barack Obama post was really written by Barack Obama.
21. Whomever’s voice I’m being forced to listen to right now.
22. The now-dead “adoptive grandmother” of whomever’s voice that is.
23. Anyone who tries to speak to me before my morning coffee.
24. Anyone who tries to speak to me after my morning coffee.
25. Richard Belzer.
26. Richard Belzer’s dogs.
27. People who eat at the Corner Bistro but don’t know what street it’s on.
28. People who eat at the Corner Bistro and ask to see a menu.
29. People who post on Lambgoat.
30. All tourists everywhere.
31. Adam Lambert.
32. Everyone who has ever watched American Idol.
33. Marketing executives.
34. Videographers who think they’re Steven fucking Spielberg.
35. People who try to use a big word as part of an insult but misuse/can’t spell said word.
36. That dude on the street last night who read aloud the shirt I was wearing back to me, in case I didn’t know what it said.
37. This kid.
38. Everyone who steals and/or plagiarizes from this site.
39. You.
40. Me.
41. Jon.
42. Kate.
43. Plus Eight.

-AR