The Hard R

THE HARD R: DALLAS CALLS METALSUCKS READERS ASSHOLES AND FAGGOTS!

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The Hard R with Dallas Coyle

My last blog was fucking hilarious. I mean, really. It was good. No, it was better than good. It was great. Besides some of my blogs that have nothing to do with metal (Susan Boyle) I was able to write something that wasn’t serious at all. And again, it was completely hilarious. The best part of the blog was –

Half of you mother-fuckos didn’t even get it!

And Jesus, it was sad. I mean, come the fuck on. What are you guys paying attention to? One of my choices for my year end list was Joe Duplantier¬† – For being ‘better than everyone else.’ Oh… and one of my favorites: Ivan Moody’s ‘VOICE’ from FFDP. His voice! His god damn voice?

Wake up, you assholes!

After the reaction to my last, incredible and hilarious blog, it got me inspired to be your punching bag again. Who knew it’d take a complete lack of humor from a majority of the ‘kids’ in the comment section to get me all excited to talk about metal again?

Kudos, fuckos!

What was accomplished with the last installment of THE HARD R?

1) We found out that more than half of the readers who come to the site are probably ‘hipsters.’ Yes, hipsters. The hipster discussion in the comments section was awesome, mostly because it didn’t consist of Dallas Coyle bashing. I appreciated it. But this discussion about ‘What is a hipster?’ made me realize that half of you fucks HAVE to be hipsters. How did I come to my conclusion? Well, that was easy. The word ‘hipster’ was mentioned not more than a handful of times in my last blog. Hell, I think it was only once [The word “hipster” itself was actually used zero times. -Ed.]. But there was a heartfelt, emotional discussion about hipsters in the comments, as if hipsters were a new candidate in some shitty election. Don’t know what a hipster is? Go to Williamsburg, Brooklyn and find out. Hipsters should be called Shitsters. Fuck your dirty beards you cocksuckers.

2) Most of you don’t read what is written before you decide to open your shit eaters. Case in point: I mentioned that most people wouldn’t know what it ACTUALLY takes to become a band that changes a trend or makes a cultural difference. And I am right. Most of you wouldn’t know. Now that statement doesn’t even come close to me saying that MY band did change the trend or caused cultural upheaval. I never made that claim – but I do know what it takes. It takes luck, singularity of vision, and not giving a fuck about changing the trend or causing cultural upheaval. Those three things are hard to get in one entity. Right place, right time is something that happens. Not something you make happen. Read what is said before ASSuming you know what I think. Ass.

3) The last year in metal wasn’t that great. There was nothing significant that happened. Name me ONE thing that was significant in the world of metal. In 2002, KsE’s Alive Or Just Breathing came out and pretty much KILLED nu-metal. I’d say that was significant. In 2003, Shadows Fall and Killswitch played Ozzfest and KILLED it after the four previous years of Ozzfest being nu-metal heaven. I’d say that was significant. In 1994, Korn released their self-titled album and changed the heavy music scene, spawning nu-metal. You guys can diss Korn all you want but most of you say the same thing about Korn, “First album was good… Everything else is ‘meh’.” Getting my point here? It was a GOOD year for metal, but great? I don’t think so.

And last but not least…

4) I’m a brilliant fucking asshole.

Lick balls, faggots.

-DC

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