Tour de Force

MAYHEM FEST 2010: AND THE LINE-UP IS…

1180

The line-up for the 2010 Rockstar Energy Drink Mayhem Festival (Jesus I hate typing all that shit) has been announced. See who’ll be playing one of the summer’s biggest metal tours after the jump, along with my snarky commentary, of course…

MAIN STAGE

KORN – YES! I’M SO HAPPY! This means I can leave early and beat traffic. Phew!

ROB ZOMBIE – For all of the shit I give Mr. Zombie, I’m actually a fan of his pre-Educated Horses discography, and the guy knows how to put on a show.

LAMB OF GOD – Lamb of God rule live. Period. This is far and away the best band playing the mainstage. The only thing that makes me even kinda-sorta sad about this is that I’ve never watched LOG from a seat before, and I’m not sure that I want to.

FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH – This will be a great time to go get another beer, or have an overpriced arena hot dog for dinner, or find a nice piece of lawn to take a nap and recharge your batteries after a long day. But I guess you should bring cyanide pills in case for some reason you find yourself in a position where you have to watch this blight on humanity.

MAYHEM FESTIVAL STAGE

ATREYU – Actually, I find this band kind of hilarious live, because Brandon Saller absolutely cannot sing worth a damn. If you enjoy the soothing sounds of a cat being raped, go watch Atreyu live.

NORMA JEAN – I haven’t seen these dudes play live in a few years, mostly because I’ve found their last couple of albums pretty meh. But Gary Suarez insists that they kill, so I guess I’ll hafta give them another chance. Plus, I’m not sure that anyone who was in the band the last time I saw them is still in the band, so it’ll be like seeing an entirely different group!

IN THIS MOMENT – In this moment I will not be watching this band play live.

3 INCHES OF BLOOD – Okay, so this is clearly the best band playing this stage. 3IOB’s live show is always fun, and it’s never too early in the day to start drinking, right?

JAGERMEISTER STAGE

HATEBREED – Even if, like me, you’ve found the last couple of Hatebreed albums to be kinda lackluster, there’s no denying that these dudes slay live. Hatebreed were meant to be enjoyed in a concert setting. I’m looking forward to this.

CHIMAIRA – Unless you’re just now reading MetalSucks for the first time, you know how I feel about Chimaira. I will never get tired of seeing Chimaira live. Can’t we just kick FFDP off the tour and give Chimaira a longer set?

SHADOWS FALL – Looks like all that campaigning for a slot on this tour paid off. This band puts on a great show. Stoked.

WINDS OF PLAGUE – I’ve never seen this band live. I didn’t love their album but I also don’t think they’re as bad as people say they are. I guess I’ll watch this one outta curiosity. Anyone know which cute female keyboardist they’re currently employing?

In conclusion: even with WOP, the Jaeger stage is clearly the strongest, while the rest of the line-up is pretty hit or miss. Still, if you get the cheap-o lawn seats, there are way worse ways to spend a day than watching Lamb of God, Hatebreed, Chimaira, Shadows Fall and 3 Inches of Blood…

-AR

Metal Sucks Greatest Hits