John Williams is totally fucking metal, and you cannot deny it. Sure, Scott Ian or James Hetfield may have each written a bunch of memorable riffs in their lives, probably ones that send you into an uncontrollable frenzy of cheeto-misted keyboard moshing too. But name me one metal guitarist ever who has written as many straight-up fucking killer tunes as John Williams? Chariots Of Fire, Jaws, Star Wars, Indiana Jones, motherfucking Jurassic Park?! The dude has enough air-punching moments of musical badassery to his name to give Tony Iommi a run for his money. When you finally man up and ask the girl who makes your sandwhich at Subway out and she says yes, what are you going to be whistling when you walk out of there? Angel Of Death, or the goddamn Raiders March?

Here’s Williams’ crowning achievement, the theme from Jurassic Park, set to a kitschy photo montage. Now take five, shut your door and pretend you’re ten years old again. It’s okay, nobody is looking.

-Crack Hitler

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