Green Eggs and Slam


  • Sergeant D

I am not the most well-traveled guy, so I rely on hardcore and MMA to tell me about the rest of the world. For example, thanks to Sepultura I learned that “in Brasil you have only one droom, and one seembol.” Karo Parisyan and Integrity showed me that Turks are terrible, terrible people, and Brujeria taught me so much Spanish that I even named my Wifi network at home “KOOL ARROW.”

In an effort to learn even more about the world, I have been studying the debut video from 6 WEAPONS, a beatdown hardcore band from Chile. From what I can tell, they want you to think that they are tough. Here are my notes so far:

  • Not sure what language it is in
  • The singer is taking a bubble bath with some stripper
  • Nobody in this video weighs more than 135 lbs
  • They are wearing lots of American skater brands that you can buy at the mall (DC, Zoo York, Famous Stars & Straps, etc)
  • Many shots of “the ghetto,” which look similar to any random block in Long Beach
  • At 2:44, there is a breakdown where kids are hardcore dancing in the town square, the white kid singer does a pig squeal and they pretend like they are shooting guns at the camera
  • Chile is rated as the safest country in South America, although the US State Department advises that “a few taxi drivers engage in currency switching and overcharge with altered taxi meters.”

If they are trying to seem tough to Americans, I think it would be much more intimidating if they told people they were from somewhere more dangerous such as the American Midwest (Cincinnati, Detroit, Flint, or Gary are enough to strike fear into the heart of anybody). Also, use actual guns in your videos. Nobody in the USA is scared of skinny teenagers in Billabong hats unless they have guns.

Latin American readers, what do you make of this video?? What do I need to know about Chile? Are all Chilean teenagers this funny???? How do the people of Santiago feel about moshing in the park?????

-Sergeant D.

Learn about foreign cultures from Sergeant D. every day at Stuff You Will Hate.

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