Upcoming Bullsh*t



Sorry to post at such an odd hour, but this is such a bizarre story, and the number of e-mails that are flooding my inbox are so great, that I just had to get this story up now.

Remember back in February, when Kirk Hammett said that Metallica were working on a “secret recording project?” Well, in case the headline didn’t give it away, that secret recording project is an album with Lou Reed.

Yes, that Lou Reed.

No, I am not making this up. Here’s a photo from the band’s official website:

After the jump, read the band’s full statement on the matter. Following that are all my thoughts on this project.

“A few months ago our own Kirk Hammett hinted at a new Metallica project that’s “not really 100 percent a Metallica record.”   While Kirk may have jumped the gun a little (and has since been properly punished with a series of push-ups!), we are more than proud to announce that we have just completed recording a full length album that is a collaboration with none other than the legendary Lou Reed.

“Ever since we had the pleasure of performing with Lou at the 25th Anniversary of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame at Madison Square Garden in October of 2009, we have been kicking around the idea of making a record together.  Some of you astute Bay Area residents may have picked up news of recent Lou Reed sightings in the greater San Francisco area and we have indeed been working at our home studio at HQ on and off over the last few months.  In what would be lightning speed for a Metallica related project, we recorded ten songs during this time and while at this moment we’re not exactly sure when you’ll hear it, we’re beyond excited to share with you that the recording sessions wrapped up last week.

“A true innovator and easily one of the most influential songwriters, musicians, and performers in rock music history, Lou’s work with the Velvet Underground and as a solo artist has such an enduring quality that he has long been revered and respected by us and many of our peers.  We can’t wait for you to listen to the finished record, so as we like to hear ourselves say around here, keep watching this spot for updates . . . we’ll be back with more details as they come together.”

So here’s the thing. I fucking love Lou Reed. I fucking love the Velvet Underground. Who doesn’t? Maybe dickwads under the age of, like, sixteen, but that’s about it. Lou Reed is awesome. He smiled at me on the street once when I was a teenager (not in a creepy way, like in a “Oh this dumbstruck kid recognizes me, hey kid!” kinda way) and it, like, made my life. If you’re unhappy about this team-up because Reed isn’t metal, well, you’re dumb and I’d feel bad for you but you’re so dumb as to make that action a waste of perfectly good feelings.

In other words, Reed’s involvement immediately makes me curious.

And, if nothing else, I have to hand it to Metallica… every time I think I’m out, they pull me back in!

But will this be good? I kinda think not, for all the same reasons I thought it would suck before Reed was involved. Namely:

But maybe I’ll be wrong. I had a friend suggest to me once, after hearing Metallica’s cover of Lynard Skynard’s “Tuesday’s Gone,” that the band may just be over it with metal, and would clearly be happier breaking up and playing other types of music. So maybe taking some time to make a non-metal album will be just what the doctor ordered.

Then again, it’s not like Marianne Faithful was able to do much for ‘Tallica…

…and it’s not like Lou Reed can teach Lars Ulrich to play drums, Hammett to stop using so much wah, Hetfield to cut it out with that pseudo-Elvis shit, or Rob Trujillo to… wait, is Rob Trujillo still in this band? No one ever mentions his name is why I ask. Huh. Weird.

So I dunno. I’m cynical, as always. But we’ll see, we’ll see.

While we wait for some actual music to judge, debate amongst yourselves about the possible quality of this project. And here’s video of the above-mentioned Metallica/Lou Reed team-up from the Rock N’ Roll Hall of Fame thinger… they certainly didn’t do “Sweet Jane” any favors, did they?


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