NEILSTEIN SOUNDSCAM: ’00s HARD ROCK RADIO BANDS ARE STILL A THING
Axl and I were joking the other night that we might have invented the phrase “still a thing” as applied to bands/people/trends that seem to have vanished from view but are apparently not just still around but quite popular. Only fitting then that the theme of this week’s Top Hard Music Soundscan charts is “still a thing.” I mean, the molasses-like state of inertia fixed upon modern hard rock radio and the associated bands over the past decade is just astounding to look at; nothing has changed in ten years.
Since there weren’t any notable metal debuts last week to crack the Top 100 aside from those in the Top 10, this week let’s look at all of numbers 1 through 10 on the Top Hard Music chart. Prepare to be astonished and baffled by the “still a thing”-ness of every single band.
1 THREE DOORS DOWN – TIME OF MY LIFE
Last week: 59,807 (debut)
3 Doors Down: still a thing. RUFKM?
2 INCUBUS – IF NOT NOW, WHEN?
Last week: 23,017
Incubus: still a thing. I still love their early albums, unlike most of the bands on this list, but the formulaic nature of Incubus’ radio ballads from album to album has become laughable.
3 THEORY OF A DEADMAN – TRUTH IS
Last week: 15,671
I have never ever met someone who copped to owning a Theory of a Deadman album; have you? Theory of a Deadman: still a thing.
4 COLD – SUPERFICTION
Last week: 11,317
I always get this band confused with Crossfade (because of their big hit song “Cold”) and Breaking Benjamin (because of their own big hit “So Cold.”) Breaking Benjamin, Crossfade and Cold: apparently all still things and completely interchangeable with one another (also: all very, very cold).
5 FOO FIGHTERS – WASTING LIGHT
Last week: 9,527
MetalSucks loves us some Foo Fighters and the new album is fantastic, but the staying power of this band — founded by the freaking drummer of Nirvana — no one could’ve predicted. Therefore, Foo Fighters: still a thing.
6 CHELSEA GRIN – MY DAMNATION
Last week: 6,791 (debut)
Deathcore: still a thing.
7 SEETHER – HOLDING ONTO STRINGS BETTER LEFT FRAYED
Last week: 6,603
See Theory of a Deadman, above. Is this band really still a thing? Fuckin’ A.
8 VARIOUS – 2011 WARPED TOUR COMPILATION
Last week: 5,425
Remember when Warped Tour meant bands like Civ, Quicksand, Sick of it All, Sublime, etc? Yeah… Warped Tour: still a thing.
9 SUICIDE SILENCE – BLACK CROWN
Last week: 5,041
See Chelsea Grin, above. Suicide Silence: definitely still a thing.
10 JOURNEY – GREATEST HITS
Last week: 4,989
Unbelievable that this band is still riding the post-Sopranos wave of success. Journey: still a thing, despite no Steve Perry.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is this week’s Top 10. Congratulations: shitty music taste is still a thing.