QUESTION OF THE WEEK: SOUNDTRACK TO YOUR APOCALYPSE [PRESENTED BY THE TRUTH]
Hey wow u look great today! Is that a new shirt? Have u lost weight? Gotten a haircut? Covered that Trivium tattoo? Huh well something’s different. Maybe it’s just that we’ve never seen u before here at the very awesome MetalSucks Question Of The Week, in which our metal staff penetrates quivering mounds of hot um issues in our metal world. Yeah, it’s basically metal people sounding off on stuff ‘n junk. We at MS are party people, so forgive our occasional distraction by gruesome nonsense like this; surely, whatever the MS QOTW topic, it’s dissected by crack metalicians so u can read with the assurance that we think/feel/barf just like u!
Fearless. Controversial. Half-baked. We give it to you straight every Friday afternoon. Straight into custody of local law enforcement officials. Here’s this week’s question:
Inspired by that crazy/awesome New Hampshire AC/DC fan who attracted five visits from police in like a day, we asked our staff the following:
When u lose your shit, hole up in your place all wasted, and crassly defy authorities to shut u down, what song is the top-volume soundtrack to your 26-hour freak-out?
Wat u think? The MS staff’s expert answers after the jump!
I have a vision that when I finally snap, I will hole up in a cabin out in the pines surrounded by a bunch of disgruntled state troopers, and packing lots and lots of guns. The only appropriate soundtrack to the ensuing bloodbath would be a repeated playlist of “Sabbath, Bloody Sabbath,” “Woman of Dark Desires,” and “Raining Blood.” Clearly, I’d be going out in style.
I’m tempted to go with Anaal Nathrakh’s “Castigation and Betrayal”, but 26 hours of that would probably fucking kill me. Instead it’s Ministry‘s “Bad Blood.“ I wouldn’t be looking for intricacy after drinking a handle of Fighting Cock; I’d want something to tear down the neighborhood fences. That minimalist beat, that tinny wall of guitars, Al Jourgensen screaming about fucking whatever … It’s loud, it’s dumb, and it’s effective. And every time I hear “Bad Blood,” I think I could listen to it for another three hours. Why not get shit-housed and tack on another 23?
JUSTIN M. NORTON
The 12″ version of Venom‘s “Manitou.“ Most peeps don’t know Venom had a social conscience (for one song) and this has some sweet drums that are actually played in time. Guaranteed to trigger a meth bender.
Once glance through my patio door reveals the lair of a total cupcake, a cuddly bimbo of heavy metal whom no cop would be afraid to charge and club into obedience lol. So when the day comes that I wish to stand off with authorities, I require a jam that will give pause to those who might otherwise calmly reach through my window to unplug the offending stereo, soak my stash with pepper spray, and waggle a finger as though at a misbehaving puppy: “Kill ‘Em All” from The Crown‘s Possessed 13, a psychopathic episode of a death-thrash jam that has yet to be cited by a spree killer only cuz it’s prob not popular enough. But yeah, I imagine Ofc. Molano and crew would opt for cautious handling by hour four of Ansomageddon (and the thousandth occurrence of the jam’s coldly growled reprise “KILL THEM ALLLLL”). Once ready to end my Oliverian shit-fit, I’ll disengage my player’s repeat function and let P13‘s next jam play, cuz “Natashead Overdrive” is a perfect accompaniment to me vaulting my balcony fence (nude and hurling banana chips) to take a hail of rubber bullets in the nuts. Then we’d all go for tacos The End.
“Take Me To Your Leader” by Incubus. Is it me or is funk metal the most underrated genre ever? How this song never earned its deserved status of timeless party classic is an utter mystery to me. (How this band pulled a Josh Groban decades into their career remains equally perplexing.) History’s mysteries aside,”Take Me To Your Leader” and pretty much all of its home album Fungus Amongus are pretty much the greatest things of all time. They’ll have bust down the door before I stop ranting about mothballs chillin’ too close to my microwave and mustard-drenched cucumbers in unfortunate proximity to my leg-ware.
When the time comes for me to embark on a psychotic mental vacation, fists and teeth clenched, nostrils flared and eyes glossed over with hate, nothing will sate my insanity like good ol’ Swedish death metal: Dismember’s “Skin Her Alive” from Like An Everflowing Stream. When frustration leads to anger, and anger leads to blind rage, one of the only viable actions is pure violence, and this song wholly embodies that from lyrics to aggressive, excited riffs and blast beats. Its energy could easily keep me going for a solid 26 hours, knife wielding and staining the walls of my home with red. Police would need a battering ram to knock down doors I’ve sealed tighter and stronger than a bomb shelter so I could complete my task without interruption. Making a mess of my abode, staining my appliances, my tools, and my own skin, I’d be stared at in bewilderment when they finally come upon the scene. Exhausted and proud, I’d calmly offer them a slice of the raspberry-filled lemon bundt cake I had spent hours trying to perfect. Like violence, baking can quell one’s madness.
Nothing would be more fitting for my imminent mental rearrangement and brain scrambling than a 26-hour loop of Jesu‘s nearly 10-minute “Man/Woman.“ Jesu mainman Justin K. Broadrick’s spirit blasting through three thousand watts is all that could salvage my sanity from the many weeks of angel dust, psychosis, and self-abuse that began after hearing Fred Durst’s new collaboration with Insane Clown Posse.
The first song that pops into my head is Motorhead‘s “Dr. Rock.“ All right? All right. I hope you sons of bitches see the light.
Ha! So when the combination of ICP, PCP, and antipathy overwhelms your buds at MetalSucks and its our time to actively taunt tools of the state into a standoff, we’ve each got our backing tracks all picked out lol. Now as u embark on your wknd fun, pause to share your personal COME AT ME BROS/SRS NO FUCKS/18 AND LIFE jam below — if not for yourself, then for our safety lol :)) Cheerz!!