Thumbs Up for R.U.S.T.’s Video for “Metal Child”

  • Axl Rosenberg

R.U.S.T. are a band from Cyprus with three members who look like they’re wearing “Metal Musician” Halloween costumes, one of whom looks like he’s in The Village People, and one of whom just looks like some dude. It’s hard for me to even make fun of their new video, “Metal Child,” but not because it’s good — because it makes almost no sense on even the most basic of levels. Seriously, I haven’t been this confused by a narrative since Mullholland Drive.

Here’s the Cliffs Notes version:

  • Not-At-All a Child is tormented by an adolescent mustache, as well as by bullies who play keep-away with the notebook he was using to do a sketch of a guitar.
  • Bullies are scared away when a member of the band trips two of them with his foot.
  • Not-At-All a Child’s Father, who is drunk and stoned, kicks Not-At-All a Child out of the house for daring to trip over some garbage.
  • Another member of the band shows up just as Not-At-All a Child has been kicked out of the house. Not-At-All a Child doesn’t seem the least bit surprised by this incredible timing.
  • Not-At-All a Child’s Father’s is angry to see that the garbage his son tripped over is still on the ground, although it isn’t clear who might have picked it up and disposed of it in the three seconds since he kicked his son out of the house. He is also angry to see a space shuttle launch on television.
  • Second Band Member empties a bottle of booze and discards it, then turns off Not-At-All a Child’s Father’s power. Why did he need to do the first thing in order to achieve the second? Don’t ask me.
  • Not-At-All a Child’s Father reacts to his power being turned off — which makes his home marginally darker than it was when the power was on, and seems to take care of that irritating space shuttle launch probelm for him — as though the thing he loves most in the world has just been killed. He stands, Christ-like, arms akimbo, staring up at the heavens.
  • A Drug Dealer offers Not-At-All a Child cocaine, and for some reason is, like, really insistent that Not-At-All a Child take it. Not-At-All a Child, of course, refuses. A third member of the band shows up and… smiles. That’s it. I guess Not-At-All a Child really did not need his help to evade the pushy drug dealer.
  • Not-At-All a Child goes to see yet another member of the band, who is making Not-At-All a Child a guitar via blacksmithery.
  • Not-At-All a Child’s Father somehow knows that Not-At-All a Child is at the band member’s blacksmithing place, and shows up there with the cops, who prepare to arrest Not-At-All a Child for the heinous crime of being friends with the guy who turned off Not-At-All a Child’s Father’s power.
  • Not-At-All a Child hands one of the cops his guitar and makes a run for it.
  • Another member of the band shows up in a truck with very bright lights, thereby scaring the police into leaving Not-At-All a Child alone, because, as we all know, police-issued guns are no match for very bright lights.
  • Another member of the band is waiting with his motorcycle to whisk Not-At-All a Child away to the band’s concert, where a few dozen Cypriot fans can’t figure out how to headbang to the beat in unison.
  • The band are all waiting at the bar, and give Not-At-All a Child the thumbs up (see screen cap at the top of this post).
  • Oh but it was all magic or something and the band wasn’t really there and now the Bartender is like, “Get out of here, Not-At-All a Child, you may not be a child but you’re still too young to drink.”
  • Not-At-All a Child walks to a different part of the bar where the band is playing (or it might be right outside the bar, I dunno, the geography of the piece isn’t exactly clear).
  • The band finishes playing and the member who looks like he’s in The Village People gives Not-At-All a Child his guitar to make up for the guitar Not-At-All a Child lost when he willfully handed it to the police earlier.
  • Not-At-All a Child draws an illustration of himself about to get gang-raped by the band in a dark alley.

Here, watch this and see if you understand what the crap is going on any better than I do:

[via Metal Underground]

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