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Malevolent Creation Even Apologize Like Idiots

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Donkey Brains PhilFOR THE LOVE OF FUCK, just how dumb are the members of Malevolent Creation? They’ve reached sitcom levels of idiocy now, demonstrating such stupidity that you have to sincerely wonder how the fuck they take care of themselves. I feel like if you gave them the Billy Madison challenge, they’d fail by lunch time the first day.

As you may recall, earlier this week the band announced that “We’ve fired our gay drummer Gus Rios,” which made a lot of people upset because it’s 2014 and the only people still using the word “gay” as a synonym for “uncool” are cretins of the lowest order. And so one of the members of Malevolent Creation (he doesn’t identify himself, but in my imagination it’s Phil Fasciana — this certainly reads like some of his past works of prose) has decided to apologize via Facebook (if it gets yanked down, you can see screencaps here and here)… except that he clearly has no idea what he’s apologizing for. Let’s exam this little explanation line by line, shall we?

“As for the ‘Gay’ comment i made about Gus i apologize,it is hard for me to refer to him as anything else but the nickname he has had long before i ever met him which is ‘Gay Gus’!”

What do you mean, it’s hard for you to refer to him as anything else? Does it physically hurt you to just say “Gus” without the “gay” prefix? Do you belong to a cult that insists that everyone MUST refer to everyone else with an alliterative nickname or otherwise be flayed as punishment?

Also, you didn’t refer to him “Gay Gus” in the post. Not even once. You just called him “gay.”

“Anyone that knows him or has met him refers to him by that name.”

coughcoughbullshitcoughcough

“If he is gay,i do not know personally,but it has crossed my mind many times over the years i have known him.”

And here’s where it becomes indisputable that the putz who wrote this doesn’t understand why people are upset. What he’s saying here is equivalent to me, for example, writing “I shouldn’t have called Phil Fasciana ‘Donkey Brains Phil’ because I do not know for a fact that he has the brains of a donkey; however, he has certainly behaved like an ass many times in the past.” Not only is he not actually apologizing, but he’s retroactively implying that there’s something wrong with being gay. Hey, Donkey Brains: the issue isn’t that you called him “gay” at all, it’s that you called him “gay” as an insult.

“Only he knows the truth and whoever gave him the nickname surely does.”

That makes zero fucking sense. If only Gus knows the truth, then no one else can know the truth, including whomever gave him that nickname.

But even if we pretend that the person who wrote this can count, it’s still completely fucking bonkers, because it suggests that you can only give someone a nickname when you know an absolute fact about that person. Which is simply not the way language works. Again, I refer you to my “Donkey Brains Phil” comparison. I have no scientific evidence or inside knowledge that Phil Fasciana has donkey brains, but I can still call him that.

“I have gay family members and friends and that has never been a problem for me,”

“Some of my best friends are gay!”

“so i do apologize for making the comment and to the people that found it offending.”

It’s “offensive,” dingleberry.

“NOW we have a great new drummer playing with us,a great new release coming out soon and many tours and festivals planned for 2014 and beyond!!! We wish Gus the best of luck doing whatever it is he does, but we are mostly excited to be playing with a drummer that loves metal music as much as we do and look forward to playing songs we haven’t played in many years and new ones as well.”

You wish Gus the best of luck two days after publicly saying he didn’t have enough skill to play your songs? You’re SUCH an asshole I can smell you from across the internet. I mean… doesn’t it hurt, always dragging your knuckles along the ground like this?

ANYWAY, in unrelated news, I heard Malevolent Creation might cover this song:

So that’ll be appropriate.

Thanks: Saul Hudson

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