Robb Flynn Calls Out MetalSucks Commenters for Being Idiots/Awesome

Robb Flynn photo credit: Nigel Crane
Robb Flynn photo credit: Nigel Crane

Last week Machine Head’s Robb Flynn rustled some Internet feathers when he called out Children of Bodom’s Alexi Laiho for being a “little bitch-ass” following Alexi’s remarks about the cancelation of the two bands’ tour together.

But here’s the thing: if you bothered to read Flynn’s comments with any sort of discerning eye you’d have realized he was completely kidding. With nuggets like this:

Hate Crew?… pffffft!… more like “Alexi-ain’t-that-Great-Crew!”, more like, “bought-a-ticket-too-Late-Crew!”, more like, “It’s-not-my-fault-you’re-a-virgin-and-can’t-get-a-Date-Crew”!!

Clearly that’s how a professional, grown man would resort to insulting a band and their fans!

Now Flynn has owned up to his troll bait — gobbled up by the metalsphere hook, line and sinker — in another entry for his General Journal Diaries. He spends the better part of this entry responding to and laughing at various responses to last week’s post, including several commenters right here on MetalSucks. Like a true pro, he takes all the hate in stride and has the good sense to realize that MetalSucks commenters can play the trolling game too. Excerpts:

Jasonic M over at MetalSucks wrote:
“His attitude is so jock/steroid/fake macho bullshit, his vocals suck, his lyrics suck and MH fits more in line with FFDP/Slipknot/Hell Yeah/Limp Bizkit/mall pop teen metal crowd more than any straight heavy metal/thrash/speed band. Since TOOL is already taken, maybe he should rename his band MaShit Head!! Seems more fitting. He should put out a MH anthology called “you can’t polish a turd”….shit’s always going to be shit”

Laughed my ass off at that one! MaShit Head!

Da Homie wrote:
“Both these niggaz is gay AF anyway nawmean, i mean this one pussy ass bitch is talkin shit N spect not 2 get shit 4 it. Dumbazz bitch, then the other lil pussy ass blonde girl nigga be playin it cool N shit, fuck yo passive ass “hate lite” BS mah nigga you fake as fuck”

Er… Uh…

FuckOff wrote:
“If you studied music in the slightest you would understand that MH really is not that great at all. He is also not a good front-man, let alone one of the best. All he does is curse every other word, and it gets old very quickly. His lyrics are abysmal and his voice is even worse. He cannot sing live for shit, he can hardly play his guitar live, and when he does it sounds like it is being played through a chainsaw. They are such a sloppy band it is embarrassing. If you want a better album than Burning Red, go record yourself eating your own shit. That would definitely be a better album.”

Back over at Metalsucks, El Fucko wrote: “…says a guy who bragged about pissing in adult diapers?!”

Man, I LOVED that one!!

Even industry folks chimed in on the completely out-of-context Headline-Bait, with our ex-publisist Maria Ferraro commenting “stick to singing”, and my former guitar tech (and brother of Slayer singer John Araya) posting up (again) the ultimate troll picture.

At least someone on the internet was able to conjure the funny.

One person at MetalSucks calling themselves M Shadows wrote:
“Rob you should make a cover album. Look how much money I made from it!”

Cycopl wrote:
“I lost my shit at that “can’t-get-a-date-crew” line.”

And over on Twitter someone wrote, “Oh no, a teenaged girl has hacked Robb Flynn’s account and posted inane ramblings”.

Now THAT was fucking funny!!

Credit MetalSucks for at least seeing the HUMOR in it. That’s right, the fucking HUMOR in it. Something completely lost in the link-bait headlines. This wasn’t some “attack”. JEEZ… lighten up!! “Can’t-Get-A-Date-Crew”!!?? I was laughing my ass off writing that down. That shit was COMEDY GOLD!!

It’s hilarious that when the trolls get trolled how butt-hurt they get, WOOT WOOT!!

Aw, thanks, Robb! We pet your balls. But don’t give that M. Shadows guy TOO much love… he might get cocky and leave more comments release another covers album. Maybe you guys can announce a tour together and then cancel it, thereby generating tons of press for both bands — everyone wins! M. Shadows!

Meanwhile Monte Conner is thanking the heavens for all the extra albums he’ll sell thanks to Flynn’s big, fat mouth.

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