Rounds 5 – 8: Axl Rose Vs. Scott Weiland, Ted Nugent Vs. Phil Labonte, Andy Biersack Vs. Chris Motionless, Shaun Glass Vs. Chris Emery
First, the results from yesterday’s acts of putzy pugilism: for the most part, it wasn’t even close! Varg Vikernes clobbered Tim Lambesis, Ivan Moody destroyed Maria Brink, and Geoff Tate annihilated Dj Ashba. The closest match was Lars Ulrich versus Dave Mustaine, and even that one wasn’t THAT close, with Ulrich ultimately taking more than half of the votes. These four putzes will now advance to the next round! Sorry, fellas.
Below are the next four match-ups! The polls for these rounds close at 2:30 pm EST tomorrow, Wednesday, August 12.
AXL ROSE VS. SCOTT WEILAND
Has LSD (Lead Singer’s Disease) ever been better personified than by these two nitwits? Both have been downsized from being massive rock stars to massive punchlines as a result of their yutzery, examples of which include keeping their fans waiting for hours before they take the stage, being too out of shape (as the result of either heroin or donuts) to perform properly, and alienating their bandmates… in fact, they have each now managed to piss off two of the same guitarists: Slash and Bumblefoot. Should Axl get in the ring, or should Scott run through our wicked garden? Vote below!
“They wanna take ‘ur guns! Obama is a Nazi fundamentalist Muslim transgender homosexual communist!” -Either One of These Dudes
This seems destined to be a close race: it’s not hard to imagine Labonte being Nugent’s son, and they’re basically equally matched. Labonte actually served in the military, but Nugent was a war evader; Nugent can play his guitar, but Labonte owes his entire career to auto-tune; Nugent is a pedophile, while Labonte… hm, actually, Labonte might have The Nuge licked here. But the call is yours — so call away!
ANDY BIERSACK VS. CHRIS MOTIONLESS
It’s hard to make a joke here because this one makes us so sad. If only their mommies and daddies had hugged them every once in awhile, they might not be so desperate for attention as to dress like third-rate clones of other, better bands while make fourth-rate copies of music by other, better bands. Tragic, really. But go ahead and vote anyway.
What do Shaun Glass (Dirge Within or whatever they’re called now, ex-SOiL) and Chris Emery (American Head Charge) have in common? Well, in addition to making horrible music, they both have a proclivity for sending angry e-mails to MetalSucks, and they’re both in serious need of some adult literacy classes. Below, declare one of these men putzier than the other, and inspire a new angry comminqué which appears to have been written by a four-year-old!
THE BRACKET SO FAR (click to enlarge):