Enlarge Photo Credit: Travis Shinn via Randy Blythe's Instagram

Randy Blythe Attacked and Struck on the Head by Gang of Kids on the Streets of Dublin

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If I — or any of my friends, or 99.9% of the world’s population — were assaulted by a group of kids on the streets of a city far from home, I’m pretty sure I’d be cursing that city to the high heavens and blaming someone, anyone — cops, the government, the education system, Arby’s — for my misfortune.

But not zenmaster D. Randall Blythe. No… the man who unexpectedly spent 30-some-odd days in a Czech prison on manslaughter charges before being released and then flew back to stand trial blamed only his own “very stupid” self for getting “distracted” and forgetting his “street smarts” when he was assaulted Sunday night in Dublin, Ireland. That, and also that he feels “sad” for the children who did it. RANDY FUCKING BLYTHE, you guys.

Blythe went out to take photographs the night before the band’s show in Dublin on Monday, November 9th, and soon found himself surrounded by a group of kids, one of whom struck him on the head. The group scattered when a nearby cab scared the kids off, and Blythe — body and wits (mostly) intact — lived to tell the tale via his Instagram:

Sometimes doing what you love comes at a price: here's the Samuel Beckett bridge in Dublin, Ireland. Last night around midnight I walked one block away from my hotel to take some long exposures- right after I shot this very frame, I looked up & saw 5 or 6 teenage dudes (16 to 18 year olds) in hoodies & track pants spreading out around me. "Well, crap, I guess it's on" I thought. I started stepping quickly into the street away from the little cul-de-sac where I was (it was a bad spot to be trapped in), trying to keep my eye on all of them at the same time. One kid drew up to my left getting close & BLAM- someone else hit me in the head from behind with something (I think they had a stick or whatever)- I saw stars for a second, then I heard car horns & a cabbie was driving at these kids & I was standing in the street trying to shake it off, because that little fucker had rang my bell pretty good. Like all cowards & weaklings all over the world, they came at me in numbers and struck from behind. I never even had a chance to smash one of the little shits because the cabbie (thank you, whoever you are) scattered them while I was regaining my wits. So now my glasses are gone (but I have contacts), my new Surf City hat w/the Black Flag bars is gone (but I brought another hat), my new e-cig is gone (but I have others), & I have a split open elbow & a bit of a headache (but it could have been much, much worse- I could have caught a knife). I remain grateful- I'M FINE. I've been in some of the sketchiest neighborhoods on earth & escaped unharmed, but last night I got distracted & forgot my street smarts for a couple of minutes. That was very, VERY stupid of me, & I paid the price. So lesson learned here is STAY ALERT, y'all. And Dublin- I still love you, I'm NOT afraid to come here, it's a lovely city, BUT… please neuter & spay your feral children, because next time they might club someone whose head isn't as hard as mine & kill them. They didn't even try to rob me, they just wanted to hurt someone, anyone – it was nothing personal for them- this makes me very SAD for these children. So Dublin, sorry if tonight's show was a little rough- I did my best for y'all…

A photo posted by D. Randall Blythe (@drandallblythe) on

The moral of the story is… I don’t know what the moral is. If shit happens, just roll with it, I guess. Sometime I’d like to invite Randy over to the Vince Division of the MS Mansion to teach me how not to cry when I spill the milk.

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