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Report: Skid Row To Not Do The Right Thing Again

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Skid Row show

In 2016, Skid Row is like an unavailable woman. You two met because you share friends or she’s in your professional network. Since then, you were a bit charmed by her, from her cool job and awesome bod to the way she stared googily into your eyes as she rolled a piece of scarf lint from your neck. Anyway, a few years pass and you learn suddenly that her marriage to that really nice designer guy has ended. But!!! Before you can even begin to scheme, you hear that she’s already started a new relationship with some off-brand random. You’re too late. Shit!

An eternity later, that lunkhead too becomes history and now you’re pumped. Finally, it’s hammer time. This is destiny, you two have kept in touch and will shag for sure. Marvelous. Then, inconceivably, she pops by your office with a coffee and tells you she’s now dating a super annoying guy you kinda avoid. Rocked, you begin to doubt your own appeal. But then her second rebound ends mercifully soon. So here again, the irresistible, oblivious jerk seems available. You wonder if she’s the type of person that begins to want you only once you’ve finally disregarded her. Maybe if you fake like you’re over it, she’ll bite.

Or not: MetalSucks can report that Skid Row is not filling their thrice-vacated singer position with the right guy, ie. glory-era Skids frontman Sebastian Bach. Back in January the band floated a possible replacement, but now it’s definite: A July concert date appeared online last week, and like the band’s previous two decades of shows, it’s not at a venue worthy of Skid Row’s legacy. It merely reflects their stubborn present. If Bach or a likewise interesting person were next to front Skid Row, gigs would be legit, not at a county fair in the suburbs of Fartville USA. Unless they’re trying to re-introduce Bach in front of a crowd who won’t notice. Which actually sounds like a Skid Row move. I can’t wait to ask for clarification over by the portable toilets.

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