Enlarge

Shit That Comes Out Today: June 16, 2017

0

Want to know what the worst part about writing this column is? Surprisingly, it isn’t all of you guys. It’s actually formatting this whole thing and writing some shit that you think is funny only to find out the album you wrote about is a re-issue or was released three months beforehand. Pain in the fucking ass, I tell ya. But I digress. This week is much better than last week if the Carach Angren album didn’t already give that away. I have a funeral to go to in St. Louis this weekend with a lot of very Christian family members so they couldn’t have dropped the album at a more perfect time. Good stuff, good stuff.

carachangrenCarach Angren
Dance and Laugh Among The Rotten (Season Of Mist)
On a playlist with Rotting Christ, Septicflesh and Batushka
Listen: “Blood Queen”

Carach Angren are easily the best dressed band in metal. I don’t care if anyone says otherwise, they’re wrong and I’m right. I’m pretty sure they even won an award for their style a while back but I can’t find it anywhere. It doesn’t matter though. What does matter is that the music is as fucking awesome as the band’s outward appearance. If you have somehow managed to go through your entire metal career without checking out Carach Angren, change that right now or you’re grounded.

igorrr-savage-sinusoid-largeIgorrr
Savage Sinusoid (Metal Blade)
On a playlist with Beethoven, Dimmu Borgir and Skrillex
Listen: “ieuD”

This was, uh, interesting. Described in the press releases as “the brainchild of French musician and eclectic composer Gautier Serre,” Igorrr are a blend of classical music, heavy metal and electronic music all in one. You don’t even get each of those things separately, you get them all at once and it results in a sound that has put someone who went to college to study words at a loss for words. So with that being said, just listen to them and wtf for yourself. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

icedearthIced Earth
Incorruptible (Century Media)
On a playlist with Blind Guardian, Judas Priest and Testament
Listen: “Great Heathen Army”

Iced Earth are a band that I would assume knights would want to listen to while they ransack and conquer kingdoms. You know, if knights had iPods to listen to way back when. Seriously, think of how many people you could slice with “Great Heathen Army” playing in the background. If you were already thinking about that, then congratulations. You get to write about Iced Earth next time they release something new. We’ll see if I remember. I probably won’t.

tombsTombs
The Grand Annihilation (Metal Blade Records)
On a playlist with Planks, Wolvhammer and Pelican
Listen: “Cold”

‘Annihilation’ used to be my favorite word to say when I first found out about metal. I’d get all tingly when I said it and then be immediately frustrated because I couldn’t fucking spell it. Fortunately, however, Tombs will give you the tingly feeling without the frustration. I’m not sure which of metal’s 6,000,000,000,000,000 subgenres I would put these dudes in, but they have an interesting blend of black, doom and death metal that will, as I said, leave you with a sweet tingly feeling in your ears.

hundredthHundredth
Rare (Hopeless Records)
On a playlist with Counterparts, Stick To Your Guns and The Ghost Inside
Listen: “Neurotic”

Here’s what I know about Hundredth: they opened for The Acacia Strain one time in 2011 I think and I got to the show during the last song of their set. At that exact moment I thought, Why in the fuck are these guys opening for The Acacia Strain? And at this exact moment I still think the same thing. Hundredth aren’t really my cup of tea, but I know a lot of people who like them so whatever. I guess I can recommend this based on the tastes of my friends so if it’s good, then my friends are cool. If not, then fuck ’em.

OTHER SHIT THAT COMES OUT TODAY
Arcadea Arcadea (Relapse) listen
Bermuda Nepenthe (Urban Yeti) listen
Barb Wire Dolls Rub My Mind (Motorhead) listen
Blessed Curse Beware Of The Night (M-Theory Audio) listen
Cavernlight As We Cup Our Hands And Drink From The Stream Of Our Ache (Gilead) listen
Chains Over Razors Crown The Villain (Caroline) listen
CKY The Phoenix (eOne Music) listen
Color Film Living Arrangements (Epitaph) listen
Currents The Place I Feel Safest (SharpTone Records) listen
Dead Head Swine Plague (Hammerheart) listen
Dead Heavens Whatever Witch You Are (Dine Alone Music) listen
Disbelief The Symbol Of Death (Listenable Records) listen
Doll Skin Manic Pixie Dream Girl (EMP Label Group/AMPED) listen
Entrails World Inferno (Metal Blade Records) listen
Hades Alone Walkying (Hammerheart Records) listen
Helsott The Healer (M-Theory Audio) listen
Fraught With Peril Khemmis/Spirit Adrift (War Crime Recordings) listen
Ray Suhy Fulmination (Cessation Engine Records) listen
Royal Blood How Did We Get So Dark? (Warner Brothers) listen
Skyclad Forward Into The Past (Listenable Records) listen
Various Artists The California Takeover Live (Vinyl) (Victory Records) listen
White Suns Psychic Drift (The Flenser) listen
Zakk Sabbath Live In Detroit (Vinyl) (Southern Lord) listen

Metal Sucks Greatest Hits