Shit That Comes Out Today: December 1, 2017


Ah, December. The wonderful time of the year where I’m forced to exercise more self-control than ever to prevent myself from destroying everything around me in a berserker rage. Why? WHY? Christmas music. Fuck Christmas music. This is especially bad since album releases slow down in December, leaving me nothing to listen to but the same, endlessly recycled bullshit that people sing to pretend like they’re happy. But fortunately this week we have a release from… for fuck’s sake, Five Finger Death Punch? Looks like I’m going to need to start hitting the eggnog a little earlier than normal this year. 

thefacelessThe Faceless
In Becoming a Ghost (Sumerian Records)
On a playlist with The Zenith Passage, Fallujah and Inanimate Existence
Listen: “Digging the Grave”

With all the shit that goes on with The Faceless offstage, it’s easier to forget how fucking good they are on it. Ever since these dudes (granted, a mostly different group of dudes), melted my brain with Akeldama, it was pretty clear that they knew their shit. For those of you unfamiliar, The Faceless are technical/progressive death metal and aren’t afraid to switch shit up on you mid-song if they damn well feel like it. These guys evolve with every album so if you’ve liked any of their past stuff, it’s worth checking out. And if you’re seeing them in Kansas City on Deccember 5, come find me. I’ll be there.

The Way Forward (N/A)
On a playlist with Animals As Leaders, Arch Echo and Polyphia
Listen: “Touch and Go”

Intervals are hands down my favorite instrumental band. Sure, they might have done one album with a vocalist, but fuck it. They’re an instrumental band as far as I’m concerned. Anyway, The last album Intervals put out was fucking fantastic. Sonic the Hedgehog 100% listens to this band and no amount of money or violence can persuade me to think otherwise. If you’re tired of screaming and want to listen to people who are far more talented at playing their instruments than any of us will ever be, then grab a beer, kick back and let Intervals take you to a different world.

fivefingerdeathpunchFive Finger Death Punch
A Decade Of Destruction (Prospect Park)
On a playlist with getting herpes, seeing your parents fuck and Jeff Sessions
Listen: “Trouble”

Sighhhhhh. We all hate this fucking band, but due to their popularity I am forced to cover them. I don’t want to actually write about this shit band because it’s just a greatest hits album with two new tracks so instead, here is the Urban Dictionary definition for a Tennessee Log Jammer: “A complicated sexual maneuver requiring 3 men and one women. With a ladder two men climb up the ladder and the women arches her body beneath the ladder. Resembling a common log jammer, then the men take consecutive dumps on her back and with the the natural “channel”. Conformed of her spine the “logs” will go down. Finally the third man waits at the end with his mouth open to receive the logs.” How terrible does that fucking sound? Awful, right? Five Finger Death Punch are worse.

morbid-angel-kingdoms-disdainedMorbid Angel
Kingdoms Disdained (Silver Linings)
On a playlist with Deicide, Death and Carcass
Listen: “For No Master”

This one is for the old school Morbid Angel fans. Think Steve Tucker-era type stuff. So is it any good? Of course it motherfucking is. Is it their finest work? Certainly not, but this album is still worth a listen for any fan of Morbid Angel. Besides, look at that album artwork. That grumpy fucking dude looks like me when I have to wake up and go to my day job, except he isn’t nearly as pissed and he isn’t slamming a beer or 10 before he goes into the office. Kidding, I don’t really do that. *cough*

prettyboyfloydPretty Boy Floyd
Public Enemies (Frontiers)
On  a playlist with Twisted Sister, Thin Lizzy and L.A. Guns
Listen: “Girls All Over the World”

I was a little surprised when I saw this band name. Pretty Boy Floyd get their name from the famous bank robber of the same name. Kind of. His real name was Charles Arthur Floyd, but ‘Pretty Boy’ was his nickname. Homeboy even had a few shootouts in Kansas City, the bullet holes of which you can still see today. Fun stuff I tell ya, just like this band. Basically I assume that Pretty Boy Floyd wrote “Girls All Over The World” as response to Thin Lizzy’s “Boys Are Back In Town” , but what the fuck do I know. Seems like something the boys would do since they’re back in town. If you want some 70s rock that wasn’t released in the 1970s, then look no further because Pretty Boy Floyd are your band.

Ode To Act Of Murder, Dystopia And Suicide (My Kingdom) listen
Demons Embrace Wolf (Spartan) listen
Drakonis The Great Miasma (Hostile) listen
Eagles Of Death Metal Eagles Of Death Metal: Nos Amis (Our Friends) (Blu-ray/DVD) (Shout Factory) listen
Eisley/Goldy Blood, Guts and Games (Frontiers) listen
Glassjaw Material Control (Glassjaw/Century Media) listen
Godless Angel They Lurk (Atomic Zombie) listen
Husbandry Bad Weeds Never Die (EP) (Aqualamb) listen
Jess And The Ancient Ones The Horse And Other Weird Tales (Svart) listen
Jono Life (Frontiers) listen
Mausoleum Cadaveric Displays From The Funeral (HPGD) listen
Operation: Mindcrime A New Reality (Frontiers Music Srl) listen
Prurient Rainbow Mirror (Profound Lore/Hospital Productions) listen
Syphilic In The Pen (Luxor Records) listen
Toarn The Dying Flame (Luxor Records) listen
Warrior Soul Back On The Lash (Livewire/Cargo) listen

At The Heart Of Winter (Vinyl) (Osmose Records) listen
Immortal Battles In the North (Vinyl) (Osmose Records) listen
Immortal Diabolical Fullmoon Mysticism (Vinyl) (Osmose Records) listen
Immortal Pure Holocaust (Vinyl) (Osmose Records) listen
Rush A Farewell To Kings (40th Anniversary Edition) (N/A) listen
SikTh The Future In Whose Eyes? (Deluxe Edition) (Peaceville) listen
We Came As Romans Cold Like War (Vinyl) (SharpTone Records) listen

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