Necessary Roughness, Week 2: I KNOW HOW YOU KIDS LIKE ‘EM SLOPPY!!
Week 2 is (almost) in the books! I felt like last week I watched some sloppy ass shit going on like the Browns penalizing themselves into oblivion. This week wasn’t much better. Commentators like to say it’s due to the lack of snaps starters are taking in the preseason, but I’m not sure that’s it. I think it’s got a lot more to do with the CBA and the reliance on rookie contracts to make teams work financially. When you’re wringing every player for every dollar, you’ll take the C+ right guard on a rookie deal over the B right guard seven years in. I don’t blame the teams for doing this, but I do blame the jittery nature of the first month of the season on a lack of experience from the players.
Bills 28 – Giants 14: The only thing more frustrating than watching your shitty team sloppily give away games is when the officials help. Don’t get too hyped, #billsmafia, the officials took away a strip sack and decided to call Dexter Lawrence for breathing on the longsnapper during a field goal attempt. I’m not sure those two plays would’ve changed the game entirely, but I do know the Giants weren’t handled quite as easily as the score makes it look. The D-Line finally got some pressure and Saquon did Saquon things. It wasn’t a TOTAL embarrassment considering the Giants are now down at least their top three receivers at this point. I will bitch about Gettleman until we win another Super Bowl… his philosophy of being able to win while rebuilding is horse shit. If you wanna tear it down, go for it – be the Dolphins for a year or two. But pretending we can compete in the NFC East is a joke at the moment.
The Bills looked good. Josh Allen made nice throws and had a few good little runs, including a TD. They could head into their bye week something like 5-1. I still think the franchise is cursed and doomed to eternal heartache, but they’re definitely the second best team in the AFC East and with Sam Darnold out for the Jets for a while, it’s not even really close.
Rams 27 – Saints 9: I will never understand why officials are so psyched to blow plays dead as early as they possibly can. Again, I’m not sure the strip sack and TD return the Saints were robbed of would’ve totally changed the outcome, but it damn well could have! Along with getting absolutely jobbed on that one, Week 2 jitters and a backup QB were the undoing of the Saints. Looks like Drew Brees will be out for about six weeks after getting surgery on his shredded thumb. Hopefully some practice time with the first team this week will help Teddy Bridgewater. Although the backup didn’t look great, his line did him dirty. He was under pressure way too often and was constantly having to dig out of holding and false start penalties. I almost considered switching from this game to the Raiders/Chiefs just to escape Joe Buck and Troy Aikman for Jim Nantz and Tony Romo, but Aikman did have one great observation. If Sean Payton thinks Taysom Hill is the next Steve Young, why the fuck isn’t he playing QB when Brees goes down?
I like to think Brees’ injury is a bit of bad juju from this weird little thing he got involved in. Since the Patriots defense was the highest scoring fantasy player this week, we all know that karma isn’t real and Trump will win in 2020.
Fantasy Pimp of the Week: The New England Patriots Defense? Jesus Christ. 37 points on four pick sixes and seven sacks. What the actual fuck? They’re finally gonna do it this year, right? 19-0? What has to happen for a loss, here? They took their annual L in Miami and turned it into a clinic on how to dismember 53 humans in 60 minutes.
- I assumed the Browns would go on to shit the bed the rest of the way after having their egos deflated, but the Jets are always there to give a team the lift they need. Tonight’s game should be pretty unwatchable!
- I made it through half of the Eagles/Falcons last night before I passed out. Is it just me or is Carson Wentz a little overhyped? I went through and looked at his stats and yes, his rookie season was awesome, but he hasn’t finished a season since and even missed part of a series last night with an apparent injury. It’s irritating as shit after he throws two picks to hear Chris Collinsworth say “We haven’t seen play like that from Wentz in a long time!” You’ve never seen it, dipshit. He’s been in the league all of three seasons. Nothing he’s done took place “a long time” ago.
- Pittsburgh is fucked and they deserve it.
- The 49ers came to life! Now everyone can stop worrying about handsome ass Jimmy Garappolo until the next time he gets his knee blown out taking an unnecessary hit.
The Number Twelve Looks Like You has an album called “Wild Gods” coming out THIS FRIDAY. It’d be real swell if you bought it, or streamed it or did whatever you wanted with it. We’re also hitting the road with Godmother and Pound. Get in touch with me if you wanna play Magic or watch football at any of these dates:
10/1 Brookyln, Kingsland https://bit.ly/2XPKnC8
10/2 Long Island, NY AMH http://bit.ly/2NU6enp
10/3 Somerville, MA ONCE https://bit.ly/30wSBMj
10/4 Buffalo, NY Rec Room https://aftr.dk/2XDdetb
10/5 Montreal, QC Bar Le Ritz PDB https://bit.ly/2XHPxQt
10/6 Toronto, ON Sneaky Dees http://bit.ly/2XGiG9X
10/8 London, ON Call the office http://bit.ly/2JsHwWW
10/9 Lansing, MI Macs Bar https://bit.ly/30FkEJH
10/10 Berwyn, IL Wire https://bit.ly/2xOfVZz
10/11 Indianapolis, IN Citadel https://bit.ly/2XKV1tU
10/12 Columbus, OH Big Room Bar https://bit.ly/30vR3Cc
10/13 Pittsburgh, PA Smiling Moose https://bit.ly/2JMgbOx
10/15 Baltimore, MD Ottobar https://bit.ly/2XSqrcS
10/16 Richmond, VA Canal Club https://bit.ly/2XNf7il
10/17 Philadelphia, PA Voltage Lounge https://bit.ly/2JMoWrx
10/18 Teaneck, NJ Debonair Music Hall https://tixfast.com/number12