Nobel Peace Prize Winner Ted Nugent Solves America’s Gun Violence Problem
Nobel Peace Prize winner Pastor Prof. Dr. Theodore A. Nugent, Esq., PhD, DDS, CPA, has successfully solved the gun violence problem in America.
Pastor Prof. Dr. Nugent’s miraculous solution, delivered during one of his recent Facebook Live fireside chats, comes in the wake of this week’s mass shooting in San Jose, CA. That tragedy left nine people dead (not including the shooter, who ultimately took his own life).
Although the shooting — which I believe is already the 5,632,902nd one to take place in the United States this year — has naturally resulted in pansy-ass Satanic freedom-hating liberals calling for stronger gun control laws, Pastor Prof. Dr. Nugent argues that such reforms would do nothing to curb gun violence.
Speculating that “Maybe [the shooter] got [his guns] from Eric Holder [former Attorney General of the United States] and Barack Obama [former president of the United States],” Pastor Prof. Dr. Nugent, who has been a honored guest at ‘Back the Blue’ rallies, said the shootings would stop if law enforcement would just do their goddamn job:
“So there’s a shooting in San Diego [sic] by a guy who has been reported to the government officials numerous times that he rapes his wife, he rapes his ex-wife, he has stated numerous times to the people in his life, ‘I wanna kill people. I’m really upset down there at the VTA, Valley Transit Authority [sic]. I’d like to kill those people.’ And so the people who heard these threats of violence called the people in charge, people with authority…”
I’m not cutting anything off there, by the way. That was how he ended his thought.
Pastor Prof. Dr. Nugent did eventually elaborate, though, kinda sorta not really:
“My fellow Americans, you wanna save lives? Uncle Ted’s got the answer. Get everybody in your life to make sure they don’t drink and drive. Make sure they don’t buy chemicals that destroy their brain and eat enough food to turn ’em into sperm whales. That’s how you save lives.”
Pastor Prof. Dr. Nugent concluded…
“I have the right to protect my sacred gift of life — period — on planet Earth. Thank God America has a Second Amendment ’cause it’s the only place that does.”
Although some homosexual socialist child killers would argue that Pastor Prof. Dr. Nugent is either forgetting or does not know that citizens of Mexico and Guatemala are also governmentally-guaranteed the right to bear arms, and in fact might be tempted to crack wise about how of course Pastor Prof. Dr. Nugent forgot about Mexicans and Guatemalans, Prof. Dr. Nugent was 100% accurate: in those countries, the right to bear arms isn’t specified in a second amendment to their constitution.
So suck Ted’s rifle, snowflake cuck libtards.