Actually, that might be an insult to dicks.

“Thank God I didn’t live to hear this crap,” sighs The Ghost of Ronnie James Dio.

Fancy headline for mindblowing album from Dimmu alum. You’re welcome!

The actor starred in in Lord of the Rings, Star Wars and countless horror classics, and released a metal album just last year.

Simon Le Bon probably doesn’t like this song, but you will.

“I’ve been completely barraged by text messages and phone calls saying I should kill myself, saying that I’m too ugly to be raped,” says Boswell.

They also KILL!

In Russia, weed smokes you.

At least it’s a safe bet that the wait will be worth it.

Win a sweet guitar from Legator, Summer Slaughter tickets and merch and a MetalSucks t-shirts.

Yes, the title refers to what the song will do to your dick.

Also: Australian and European tour dates, AND a new column from vocalist Trevor Strnad.

There are already over 300 declared candidates for the 2016 U.S. Presidential election. Why not add one more?

OK, OK, Andrew W.K. isn’t gonna run for President… probably, although he doesn’t shut the door on the idea entirely (“You never know!”). But MetalSucks video correspondent Brian Storm toyed with that idea when he interviewed Mr. W.K. after the latter’s show in Virginia Beach last week, and Andrew toyed with it right back at him. The two also discussed the Westboro Baptist Church, W.K.’s collection of pets and non-pets, his longtime love of MetalSucks (aw shucks, thanks, dude!) and, duh, partying.

Sixth annual edition of the fest will now include Sabaton, Stratovarius, Between The Buried And Me, and more!!!

“A new song that expresses the respect and love” the band has for their fans.

Maybe they should re-name it The Metal Disunity Tour?

Includes a t-shirt, koozie, sticker, guitar pick and poster!

9/11 was an inside job! NATO is going to take over America! Aliens live alongside us! THE FREEMASONS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR TENACIOUS D. WINNING THE BEST METAL GRAMMY!!!

Get your mind out of the gutter.