Guest Columns

Which classic horror film posters made the cut?

Tried and true methods.

Featuring work by Randy Rhoads, Ernie C, Vinnie Vincent and more.

Gwar, Testament, Dave Navarro and more are on board the vaping train.

Looking to take your band’s live shows to the next level? Get in here.

How many constipated-looking Asian dudes do you see playing metal while actively trying to headbang his skull out of his skin?

“I don’t need music theory, bro! That’ll just cockblock my creativity!”

Study this, learn it well, and someday, your band might be ten percent as good as Meshuggah.

Think about how many crappy breakdowns you’ve written. That all ends right now!

“Back then, MySpace was everything. So was the MYSPACE TOP 8!”

I made my bed for 30 days straight, and then I finished writing an awesome metal album.

Toothgrinder’s bassist gets lost in “World of Warcraft” to help ease his mind and ensure he’s ready to put everything into the band’s performances each night.

“Local punk Tyler Holtby “spun a web of lies” during a family barbeque last weekend, allegedly making up an entire fantasy football team in an effort to connect with his girlfriend’s extended family, according to multiple witnesses.”

“He did a bitchin’ pentagram on my wrist a few years back,” wrote one local fan. “It’s faded enough now that it just looks like a bruise, but when people ask me about my bruise, I’m like, ‘That’s the Cactus, baby!’”

Fueled by sudden inspiration after seeing a “cool” sailboat tattoo, one local punk irreversibly stained her skin earlier this week as a heartfelt homage to the time she saw a similar looking tattoo on someone else.

A local man’s intricate and rambling explanation about the meaning behind his latest tattoo allegedly caused further confusion amongst his group of friends, who immediately regretted broaching the topic.

Patrons of The Lockjaw Bar have been “totally let down” by the story behind the eyepatch on one particularly tough-looking customer’s face, according to multiple reports.

What did the revered metal vocalist and lover of the Warcraft video game make of its cinematic adaptation? Get in here to find out!

“This is a tragedy,” claims Nguyen. “I can’t see Pyramid of Pain doing a show without the prop blood. We always end the show with our best song, ‘Skinhole,’ and it’s this huge spectacle, you know?”

A guest post by our friends at The Hard Times.