MetalSucks

• FORMER MEMBER OF GN’R NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT DELIVERS HIS REACTION TO CHINESE DEMOCRACY TO A MIRROR: “Yes, I listened to it on a long drive to Phoenix, Arizona,” ex-GN’R rhythm guitarist Gilby ‘I Swear I’m Not Izzy’ Clarke allegedly told “a fan” (actually his reflection). “But there was [sic] too many slow-to-midtempo songs on it for my taste and some of the solos are a little overdone; they don’t match the song.” When the “fan” flattered Clarke by saying the album’s solos would have been vastly superior had Clarke played them, he chuckled modestly: “You’re too kind. Too kind.”
• CLINT LOWERY SAYS DARK NEW DAY’S FUTURE “DOESN’T LOOK GOOD.” Also: water is wet.
• MEMBERS OF SHADOWS FALL AND FATES WARNING JOIN FORCES IN 80′S METAL COVER BAND NAMED AFTER THE “BAD” DOJO IN THE KARATE KID: Still less fucktarded than being named after the dude from The Neverending Story.

-AR