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FUNNY PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN DARKANE, DEVIN TOWNSEND AND EDGUY CDs!

 Tuesday, June 16th, 2009 at 4:43pm by

funny_wildcatLOLZ at the flame-war that erupted over last week’s funny photo caption contest; apparently our supposed “funny photo” was actually a famous-ish painting by artist Miguel Calderón, and some MetalSucks Maniacs took offense to us using it in a mocking light. To thee I say: our site is called “METAL SUCKS” for chrissakes, so get the sand out of your collective vaginas and stop whining. Fuckin’ A!

Anyway, die-hard MS Maniac Sammy won the signed God Forbid guitar with the following entry:

…and with that the ICP Special Olympics began….

Congrats Sammy, your 6,457 comments on this site have finally paid dividends. Maybe in another 2.5 years we’ll get you an amp rig to go with that axe. This week we’re giving away a package of CDs to one lucky winner: Darkane’s latest ripper Demonic Art, Devin Townsend’s excellent new solo release Ki and a collection of Edguy singles. Good variety, something for everyone. Just come up with a funny caption to the below photo!

funny prepubescent metal kid

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  • The Mighty Fucking Quinn

    “Dude…roofies are awesome!”

    • Uglymicrowave

      God, I wish my sister wasn’t so wasted at her sweet 16….I just wanna go home and play guitar hero….

  • fightingmike

    Mclovin at a Bret Michael concert

  • Keith Brown

    So, which one wears the strap on in this relationship?

  • fightingmike

    It must be really hot in the Cougar Den!

    • Uglymicrowave

      Shit, i’d fuck this girl…

      if she’s any way related to heavy music because of those pit stains i’d fuck the shit out of her…

      I’d defintly fuck her…she’d kinda cute

      (And NO i’m not quoting this kid….I, personaly, myself thinks she’s cute…)

      Where the fuck does metalsucks.net get these pics from?
      are axl and vince just being jewish (not jews) and just searching there families’ myspaces?

  • Senior Swanky

    So thats who my girlfriend dumped me for!

  • Leprosy

    Live long and prosper.

    • Hugh Jabalse

      win

  • http://hydrophobe.type3studios.com vecima

    sweaty metal chicks that put out beat hot prude preppies any day

  • Simon

    “The guys at the comic-book store are never gonna believe that!”

  • buttplug.

    FUCK BITCHES, GET MONEY.

    • dthrasher

      yes

  • Lack Of Comprehension

    …and next on SPIKE TV is “When falling down goes wrong”

  • Chief

    “I listen to Cradle of Filth for the ladies!”

  • Manny

    pimpin ain’t easy

  • jonowev

    Even in his youth, Fred Durst was a ladies man.

  • OBEY1019

    The kiss that sprouted pube number one.

  • \m/Eluveitie\m/

    The fiercest pits in metal

  • mr lun

    Jimmy gets a taste (and whiff) of the good life at the 2009 Wigger Slam Initiate orientation.

  • bearwizard

    son of mortiis
    (metal inquisition readers will get this)

  • Shep

    Some one get this dude off me

  • Froogle

    The reason why Pendulum are not wanted at Download.

  • http://suckmydick@suckit.com Ken M

    Once of the outtakes for the new Old Spice commerical

  • Beastmaster

    THE HARPOONS. MAN THEM.

    • Vlad

      ^ WIN

  • myke

    ahh fuck they found a picture of me and my wife @ a marilyn manson concert, who spilled the beans???

  • Reaperatty

    Seriously Mom, you’re not a cougar and dudes are not getting jealous!!

  • http://chroniclesofchaos.com Daniel Cairns

    Chased through the Woods by a Rapist.

  • justin

    pimpin’ ain’t easy, but it’s necessary.

  • Deathmetalmario

    He just realized that shes hiding a waterfall in her armpit.

  • Meat

    Its never too late to kill yourself…

  • holmes

    Little Stevie deeply regretted not investing in a rape whistle.

  • ihateyou

    As her armpit gently weeps…

  • http://www.heavyblogisheavy.com Jimmy

    Eighth grade prom in Jacksonville.

  • Mike

    I’m less concerned about the two in the foreground and more concerned about Spock from the planet Vulcan in the background. “Live Long, Die, and Prosper!”

  • http://www.last.fm/user/BootScraperSean Anger Unmanagement

    As the disease spread up her arm she decided to infect the closest wiggerslam gig, one male at a time.

  • http://blip.fm/femmetal Lilith

    If Farmer Ted had listened to Testament, things could’ve been different….

  • Ziltoid

    Most pimply-faced power metal nerds aren’t used to recognition from the opposite gender…

  • bearbomb

    The mating of acne-core and pit stain-core shall bring the birth of SCREAMO CRUNK!

    • ihateyou

      win.

  • …..

    Who ever said pimpin aint easy

    • Manny

      should win yeah I know

  • \m/Eluveitie\m/

    The first post-muumuu photo of Nightwish’s Anette Olzon

  • Urban Outdoorsman

    MetalHeads get all the Hot chicks(some are sweating.)

  • Otac

    Give a sweaty kiss to kids with braces for keeping it metal.

  • Urban Outdoorsman

    “Mom!!! STOP!! Youre embarrasing me in front of all the cool dudes. Im never going to be invited to any of Hollywood Undeads parties again.”

  • d.o.g.o.b.g.y.n.

    Even Limp Bizkit shows get a few gnarly pits every now and then.

  • Tim

    …eh.

  • Zack

    *smooch* Thanks so much for the Evanescence tickets! My sweat glands can hardly contain themselves.

  • http://dgmetal.org The Daily Grind

    Damn I love it when mom gets hot and sweaty.

  • Lord Bling

    Your Mom: Rated E for Everyone.

  • http://www.hibernum.net hibernum

    Man I’m old. I see shit like that and I think “awwe, how cute, they’re young and angsty. The goth cycle of life goes on”. Man, I’m really old.

  • Jim Flames

    ‘Salt, Sweat, Meshuggah on the moshpit.”

  • Nutter

    Disregard Females.
    Make acquisitions.

    • Tim

      YES YES YES!!!!

  • tyler09

    the girl in the background with the spock fingers looks like Officer Wiegel from RENO 911

    • kylemurder

      BURN!

  • Kevin

    Mom! Not in front of the camera!

  • Tim

    This is the closest that this guy will ever get to a pit.

  • phil666

    Dude..I hope our braces don’t get stuck together like in grody joke! Damn, what’s that musty smell?

  • You Don’t Know Me

    Jamey Jasta at his 8th grade dance with the fat, smelly goth chick that no one was friends with.

  • http://www.myspace.com/437666934 Noel

    This is what happens when Timmy puts on his Hot Topic brand of Axe body spray.

  • http://www.crushtor.net Crushtor

    “She’s my bish, dawg – get in line”

  • Mike

    I TOLD YOU TO BUY LINKIN PARK TICKETS, NOT METALLICA! this mistake deserves a kiss!

  • Kyle

    No wonder Cobain offed himself… this isn’t what he meant by “smells like teen spirit”

  • Ben

    Death mono, black mono, thrash mono, goth mono… it’s all really just cooties. Defend yourself accordingly.

  • The_Kak

    The Great thing about being kissed by a neanderthal isn’t about showing that I’m “Br00tal”, it’s about showing everyone online that I am.

  • Darktragedy

    “Hey, is better than staying home and Jerking off with the Jonas Brothers!”

  • Johnny Death

    Photgraphic proof that a Killswitch Engage watch will get you pussy.

  • Plut

    “I don’t care how stoned I am right now, this bitch is still ugly”

  • Malacoda

    Nergal, even at the age of 14, had a promising career with the ladies.

  • icebeast

    Bobby’s mom was just trying to be the “cool” mom. But no matter how hard she tried, every attempt at throwin’ The Shocker for pictures always ended up really Spocky.

  • Jo

    dont drink and flirt at the metal show kids..sweaty fat chicks do happen

  • Uglymicrowave

    God, I wish my sister wasn’t so wasted at her sweet 16….I just wanna go home and play guitar hero….

  • dale schmucker

    damn it mom, not in front of my friends!!

  • Andrew_17

    And Nick Hexum from 311 came up with the greatest lyrics of all time. “Have you ever made out in dark hallways
    Displayed a kissthat made your day or say
    Played a track from your record collection
    It’s yourmix, congratulations”

  • (required)

    Basking in the glow of his first arm pit fuck, Bobby feels the sudden urge to go wash the flowery stench of Lady Speed Stick off of his junk.

  • http://metalsucks terryg75

    “Man…I gotta quit taking my sister to shows!”

    “So this is what $5 bucks gets you at the fat metal chick auction???!!!

    “She’s trying to suck my boner through my cheek!”

    ” Great. I just ate her out and now I have pink eye. Damn you Opeth! Hopefully though, it draws attention away from the syphillis scars on my forehead from last months Jonas Brother’s show!”

  • http://metalsucks terryg75

    Oh yea, I forgot this one too…”see guy’s, i told you I was going to finger-bang her armpit!”

  • Anus Apache

    Golly I hope she is as wet down under as her armpits….or whatever that means

  • Motoghost

    Mom! Get my fat emo sister off me! Just because she’s a lonely pig doesn’t mean she has to give the swine flu to everyone!

  • Wyatt

    Even the dude from Little People, Big World can get some!

  • http://www.last.fm/user/wrath_of_vishnu Dillon

    Looks like AXE can even pick up the chicks with wet pits.

  • Davidian

    When you said there was gonna be a “mosh pit”, this isn’t what I had in mind…

  • kylemurder

    You can’t go wrong with a girl who’s sweat pits are identical to In Flames’ jester head logo.

  • Damotello

    It is a little known fact that easily aroused women have vaginas in their armpits.

  • phobophobia

    I am Mclovin!

  • jj

    Never EVER go to a metal show sponsored by your redneck uncle

  • (required)

    …and that’s when Bobby discovered his only hope: the pity fuck.

  • King Cheezit

    Pit stains reject vampires…sometimes.

  • john gally

    those sweatty arm pits arer better then the pits at a hanson concert

  • paul

    “all you gotta do it say you love twilight and next thing you know their all over you, hell yeah”

  • http://www.welovemetal.com We Love Metal

    Jesus Mom, calm down!

  • Mutt Weiler

    One beer Lisa wants to go check out the inside of the Caravan. Stow and Go is the shit!

  • hrm

    young people?, i bet they listen to icp or deathcore or some other shit amirite??

  • S.I.

    …and here’s my mom’s audition for Rock of Love 4!

  • Shane Gillis

    Fucking your own mom after a show is okay as long as her pits are sweaty from the METAL.

  • Shane Gillis

    These braces snag more ass than thorn panties.

  • TurdFerguson

    My erection tells me that this is not a guy kissing me even if it is a guy kissing me.

  • Pacey

    Jamie knew it was a good gig when he found such a sweaty pit

  • hater_guy

    This brings a whole knew meaning to ”the pits of hell”.

  • Sin and Death

    These unfortunate souls have clearly misunderstood the meaning of Testament’s “Into the Pit.”

  • corrupt

    Yeah mom, the concert was fun…

  • matt

    Man, I thought cooties were bad… Scenester cooties are the worst. They come with herpes!

  • (required)

    Billy plays it cool despite finding his plans for a reach-around tit grab thwarted by a foul and moist obstruction.

  • Austin Milbarge

    When Gary and I decided to make a woman with our computer,we shouldn’t have used a picture from “Sweaty Bitches Weekly”.

  • (required)

    “Thanks for swapping shirts with me, Billy. There’s no way I could have gotten that Marilyn Manson spooge off of my polo.”

  • SourDeez

    “Dammit, I just want to grab some sideboob but she’s protecting it with a moat!”

  • dogpark

    “Axe body spray made my dreams come true”

  • http://schenkeltown.blogspot.com Daisy May Tinklepants

    get in her pit and try to love someone!

  • Burnsides

    Only in America could a metal smile & zits attract a pit-stained emo chick like that.

  • Nick

    I think it looks like that kid accidently wondered into a lesbian bar and got mistaken for a butch girl.

  • AceKiller

    Joel Grind: The Early Years

  • MAC

    i just tried posting st on the slipknot contest but its not taking any more comments. anyone know why?

  • DJ Arnold

    While attending a field concert put on by Nickelback cover band, Seether, Bobby Sue and Billy Bob realized that they were not only first cousins, but also brother and sister. With so much in common, they decided to begin a second generation of incest.

  • DJ Arnold

    Bubba knows that it is time to release his single “She thinks my unibrow is sexy”

  • DJ Arnold

    With that kiss, he knew his was glad that he signed for BBW dating site.

  • DJ Arnold

    Goth girl + Redneck guy = they both will settle for anything.

  • http://www.myspace.com/this_is_james_myspace Necrozoid

    What can i say? Chick dig the braces.

  • Chad E. Death

    “Just because my name is Ahab , Doesn’t mean i like Whales”

  • http://www.myspace.com/this_is_james_myspace Necrozoid

    Chicks*

  • mano

    “is this wet spot the vagina? i’ve never seen one before.”

  • Cincitucky

    What can I say? I get ‘em wet in more than one place.

  • Carl

    Yeah, I shaved with Gillette this morning…

  • Jason

    After many nights burning the candle at both ends with his favorite book, The Layguide: How to Seduce Women More Beautiful Than You Ever Dreamed Possible No Matter What You Look Like or How Much You Make, ol’ Bud Bundy can finally put one in the win column.

  • http://www.knucklesfirst.com/ Andyman

    “Thanks for putting my favorite Deftones CD on your top 21 list, sweetie. You’re the best.”

  • Leo

    “Find your match at pittyparty.com”

  • Jason Nordeman

    pittin’ aint easy..I wonder if her pits are as hairy as they are sweaty..

  • Hellodere

    Themilfswithsweatyarmpitshunter.com