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Cinemetal

THE “Z” IN “ZOROASTER” IZ FOR ZZZZZZZZZZZ……

 Friday, July 2nd, 2010 at 11:00am by

Whatup with people pronouncing Zoroaster “Zo-Roaster”? It’s pronounced “Zoro-Astor.” He was a prophet, philospher and poet who lived in the 6th Century B.C. Get it right, peoples! This band ain’t got nothin’ to do with coffee.

But despite their heady, historical name and prowess for Mike Tyson’s Punch Out, I feel roughly the same about Zoroaster as I do about Black Tusk, which is to say… they’re a’ight, but why bother? If I’m looking for beardy, doomy, stony metal I’ve got a hundred other choices.

So they’ve got a new video for the song “Odyssey,” premiered by Stereogum. The song does the exact same thing for two-and-a-half minutes (much like another song they recently released), then there’s a really boring middle part with a solo that sounds like it was played by an 8th grader, then it goes back to doing the same thing it did in the first half of the song. Boooo-ring. Finally, with a little over a minute to go we get a pretty decent Taco Riff to finish things up, but it’s obscured by more 8th grade soloing.

So yeah, I don’t know about this band. They’re using up their chances to impress me mighty quick. This is the kind of music that’s fun to jam to when you’re playing it yourself, but not very much fun for anyone else.

-VN

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  • DeathMasqueRed

    Zoroaster is the main rival to Kenny Rogers’ Roasters.

    • miller

      Wanna know where people go to snag an interracial relationship, say, Just for future reference? “interracial Central”? “San Carlos” ? or “San Francisco”?*** AfroKissing C /om *** is the real place that is packed with them. ;)

  • Sandman

    I enjoy what this band does, they kick ass live.

  • http://deathstar330.blogspot.com Tom

    records are just the vehicle for them to DESTROY live. I wouldn’t put too much faith in the MSuckaz to pick out what’s happening in a style they don’t understand.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jeremy-Luckett/1384577212 Jeremy Luckett

    I think you should go and pick up their last three releases. Putting this band down because you haven’t heard them before is ridiculous.

  • chris

    I like this band, but the review of the song is pretty spot-on. Talk about a very boring song! I sure hope there is less of this and more Dog Magic style jams.

  • Jeremy Sanchez

    I was wondering what that Zoroaster sticker MetalSucks sent me was for.

  • rob

    let’s face it, the ms guys (talking about axl and vince) don’t reallllly “get” anything on the doom, sludge, post, space rock side of metal (even black, thrash, death, crust, hardcore, and more i’m not soooo sure about); personally i don’t think you have any business spouting off an opinion that poses to be educated…. stick to your hair metal, sumericore, and prog wankery.

    to me zoroaster sounds like a happy marriage of clutch and mogwai… i’d did to see the live show, but unfortunately i’ll be leaving for the 4th of july holidy at the same time they’re arriving with dark castle.. :(

    • Dirtman73

      Yeah, they’re too busy ranting about Ratt or Joey Belladonna to actually take a subjective listen to anything in those genres besides Eyehategod.

      • gnarlk

        face it, any site with writers that say the new tony danza crap ass agenda is the album they’re most looking forward to (outside of protest the hero) can’t and shouldn’t be taken seriously…

  • IllegalImmigrant

    The critic is obviously clueless about Zoroaster’s style of music…probably thinks he’s an expert on all southern metal bands b/c he spunked his pants the first time he heard Mastodon…if this is the same critic who extols the canned horse shit that is BLS and The Showdown, then I’m not surprised he’s ragging on a band the quality of Zoroaster…dude should be writing “metal” reviews for Rolling Stone as opposed to a site that professes to be plugged in to actual metal…

  • Genial Gentile

    Probably because you’re a giant pussy.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/David-Weston-Gregory-Jr/20102096 David Weston Gregory Jr.

    I’ve always kind of dug these guys, but thought that the killer name could have been used on a different (not necessarily better..) band…

  • TXHellbilly

    These guys kill live!! And I agree with what one of the people said above: this site generally isnt too kind to any kind of stoner/doom/sludge. But to each his own.

  • Shanx!

    I can’t help but be amused by all the comments saying that vince doesn’t “understand” this style of music so therefore his opinion is invalid. Apparently theres some deep, mystical secret that if your not in on, your not allowed to have an opinion.

    • IllegalImmigrant

      Nothing mystical about it…he just doesn’t have a fucking clue what he’s writing about…anybody over the age of 18 who hasn’t progressed past bands like The Showdown and BLS shouldn’t be writing metal reviews, period…it’s fucking sad…like a 21-year old who stills sits at the kiddy table at Thanksgiving…

    • Genial Gentile

      But he’s right…the writers of this site (excluding GS and Sammy) have shown time and time again that they have very little understanding of the Southern sludge scene, except for the bands that have been able to break through to mainstream popularity(Mastodon, Baroness). They are obviously bigger fans of tech-death and spazzier stuff (and seem pretty well versed in such), so their estimations of scene they know very little about and seem to have even less interest don’t warrant much merit.

      • DemonicLemming

        I’ll have some fun with this – so, by your estimation, anyone on this site who criticizes, say, Disturbed, simply doesn’t have a full understanding of the “scene” in which that music is popular, right? Or Nickelback, or Hellyeah, or Kesha, or N*Sync, right?

        No, we can’t, because your argument is fallacious. Vince wasn’t commenting on the sludge/doom/stoner scene, he was commenting on the band, and it’s completely irrelevant as to whether the band is popular with the group that follows that sort of music or not, or if the band is following the same general pattern of other bands in that genre. Justin Beiber is insanely popular with the people who follow his, um, music (I hesitate to actually call it that), but said popularity doesn’t change the fact that the shit he makes is atrocious. Parkway Drive does their shit the exact same as every other band in their shite little genre, and that doesn’t make their music anything other than generic trash.

        • Genial Gentile

          I get your point Lemmimg, but I think your missing mine. We’re not talking about something as broad as popular music or rock fm radio, we’re talking about a very specific and insular sub-genre that originates, for the most part, from a very specific part of the country. Slow, plodding, repetitive riffing is part of metal aesthetic of the Southeastern US…has been for a long time. It’s apparent in reading most of the posts from Axl and Vince that they are primarily into more tech-y stuff (which is probably more popular where they live)and when he makes a statement like ” The song does the exact same thing for two-and-a-half minutes” and makes snide remarks about the complexity or lack thereof of the solos, it is painfully obvious that they don’t understand that those things are part and parcel of the genre. It’s like ordering chinese food and complaining that it doesn’t taste like pizza.

          • DemonicLemming

            That’s understandable, but you really still can’t bitch about the fact that he doesn’t like the band based on “not understanding”. You might point out to him that if he doesn’t like the band, then he likely wouldn’t enjoy the genre as a whole, but if he posted something about not liking doom/stoner metal, people would bitch about “not listening to enough bands” (even though, in this case, it seems like listening to 2 or 3 would give one a good impression of the genre as a whole) or how disliking an entire genre is retarded.

            It goes back to the whole “you must not understand it if you don’t like it!” Music is completely subjective, unless you’re looking at it from a theory perspective (which we’re not), it’s really a false argument to claim that someone doesn’t like it because they don’t understand it. If he was arguing the music sucks because of the lyrics, it might be a better argument, because there would be the possibility of objectively assessing the fact that he doesn’t understand the basis or meaning of the lyrics, but that doesn’t hold true for the musical aspect. He doesn’t like this band because of the style, ergo, he may not also like the genre because of the same reasons he doesn’t like this specific band, but it has nothing to do with not liking it because he “doesn’t understand” the genre. Now, I’m not personally defending Vince here (I think quite a few of the plugged bands to nutswing on this site are fucking atrocious and boring as hell), but “you just don’t understand!” smacks of being an utterly juvenile argument, one to use in order to try and belittle someone (by way of making them feel stupid) because their opinion isn’t the same.

            Sorry for the wall-of-text…been a long, boring day here at work (junior dude, so I get picked to hold the empty office down while everyone else kicks out to start the weekend early).

          • Genial Gentile

            Yeah, I’m not trying to trot out the old “you just don’t get it, man” dismissive. What I’m saying specifically is this: if he’s looking for riff salad and wanky tech’d out solos from a sludge band, then he obviously doesn’t know enough about the genre to know that those elements are diametrically in opposition of what sludge is. That is what he doesn’t “get.”

          • DemonicLemming

            I don’t know that he’s really looking for that, specifically, more just bitching about the repetitiveness of the band, or at least this song in particular. If he’s bitching about doom being slow in general, then yeah, it’s a bit of a pointless opinion, but (at least the way I take it), he just doesn’t like this band in particular because of the bland repetition.

          • Vinsanity

            dont think it has anything to do with popularity either. some people just like more intricate, chaotic, and dissonant sounding stuff. you know what they like so they prob are not going to dig a lot of repetitive stuff. i personally like the techier stuff for the same reason. its more intriguing, suprising and complex. its boring sticking to the same template for some.

    • DemonicLemming

      I made a post earlier poking fun at the people defending it by saying others who didn’t like it “didn’t understand” doom metal. There’s really nothing to “understand” – it’s just noise played in a particular style. Just because someone doesn’t like it – for whatever reason – doesn’t mean they don’t understand it, since there’s inherently nothing to understand about it – it’s subjective, like all music.

      • IllegalImmigrant

        DemonicLemming, arguing with you is akin to arguing with my retarded cousin…after a few minutes, I concede that, yes, cow manure does taste like Hershey’s syrup, b/c it’s easier to make him think he’s right than to inject some rationality into his perspective…for the record, you missed our point entirely as in you jumped out of an airplane over the Pacific and landed in Bermuda…

        • DemonicLemming

          No, you’re simply assuming that he’s unaware of the general style of this genre, rather than his dislike being based on how this particular band uses that style.

          • IllegalImmigrant

            He’s clueless, as are you…now go fire a roman candle into your crotch…

          • DemonicLemming

            Well, since you seem categorically unable to tell anyone why they’re “clueless” about what they’re writing about, I don’t think I’m the one failing here. People don’t like this band and this genre because it’s fucking boring as shit (even compared to other slow, boring music); deal with it. Liking it doesn’t make you smarter than everyone else, nor does attempting (and failing dismally at) to claim the author of the article listens to nothing other than BLS make his opinion of a band any less valid. You have no fucking argument; your entire basis for bitching is both fallacious and based on nothing more than sophomoric “I’m better than you because my music is cooler” horseshit.

            Fuck I hate pseudo-intellectual wannabes.

          • IllegalImmigrant

            Lol…it took you about 10 posts to finally admit you hate the entire genre, which renders all the bullshit you posted moot – check a legal dictionary for a definition for that word if you need it…if you hate the genre, then just say it up front and there would have been no argument…you hate the genre, you hate Zoroaster…fair enough…go listen to Sumeriancore…but no…you had to try to overwork your one brain cell into a lather trying to defend the critic, who is a clueless fuck…any true metal critic who would prefer bands like BLS and The Showdown to a psych-metal band that is treading new ground band either has the attention span of a gnat or has never picked up a guitar…it’s a credibility issue you dumbfuck…also, crawl out from under the rock you live under and come to grips with the fact that melting pot bands like Zoroaster have spread beyond a regional phenomena in the Southeast or Portland…for evidence of this pry open your narrow fucking mind and go check out the bands on Profound Lore…

  • Seer

    I’m sorry, but here you are just flat out wrong. This isn’t even opinion, this band rules. period. but eh’ what else would should I expect from the writers of this site.

    and if I hear the term taco riff one more time, i’m gonna kill someone. It’s a fucking stupid term that doesn’t actually describe anything.

  • tall_ted

    I’m jumping on the this-review-is-totally-off train. I just saw these guys last week and can say that they are definitely fun to listen to live.

    It’s cool if you just don’t like to listen to this kind of music, but then why bother reviewing bands that play it? This post could be for any band that you’re not into. Change the names (and interpretation of taco riff) and that could be my review of pretty much any modern jazz. That’s why I don’t offer my opinions on jazz — they are irrelevant to any fan of the music.

    • Vinsanity

      your point is valid and you made it without a lot of “im smarter than you” extra wordy uselessness most people throw down. but all these bands are metal, and i think there are certain characteristics we associate with that. some like metal as ultra technical shit like myself and these guys, others like it more slowed down and they like to hear the same riffs more cuz it moves them. some like it to change up a lot. whatever, lets just smoke some weed and enjoy metal. its the elite music no matter which way ya look at it.

  • Moose_Knuckle

    I agree that both Zoroaster are awesome and the term taco riff is stupid.

  • ZL

    Zoroaster = \m/

    Taco Riff?

    I like what Wino called it in the interview Justin Foley did with him: “Well, first, that term “taco riff” … I didn’t call it that. In fact one of my old girlfriends, she and I used to talk about that Pentagram riff and we’d call it the “Bunghole March”. It was just: downtuned, so grinding, it seemed like a perfect name for it.”

    Bunghole March Riff! I hereby proclaim thee…

  • http://deathstar330.blogspot.com Tom

    the only reason MS is all over the EHG thing is because of the Bower/Anselmo connection.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andrew-Sterner/1335958279 Andrew Sterner

    Is it a mutual consensus of the populous that they got this totally wrong, and the term “taco riff” is something created by 8th graders on the short bus on the way to reform school?

    Zoroaster rock, there’s no way around it. I’m guessing that you’ve never seen them live, which is a shame, because they rip hard, HARD.

    The production quality is a little concerning though, the video sounded a bit muffled to me. I’ll still be picking the album up in a couple weeks.

  • Insomnivore

    I love Zoroaster but since my fan goggles aren’t glued on I can see (well, hear actually) that this song is sub-par, almost nothing happens. The whole thing sounds like a middle-eight, by a shit band, on a bad day, who are deaf. Possibly a band to add to the liked-their-first-releases pile and move on, don’t me started on Black Tusk or the Kylesa B-Team as I call them. You want proper slow ‘n’ heavy this year I point you in the direction of the new Ufomammut and Ramesses albums.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Rlee-Matingley/1346851026 Rlee Matingley

      Yeahhh, this isn’t a very good Zoroaster tune. Pretty boring. They’re more of a live/whole album sort of band for me. Voices of Saturn and Dog Magic are both top notch. Eve was good, could do without the first ten or fifteen minutes, but the new ramesses album is great.

  • >_>

    When there is a general consensus among your readers that you should not have made this post, a fail post did you make?

  • Grim Kim

    Zoroaster are AMAZING live, and their new material is fucking great. I’ll fight you at the NYC date, Vince :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Zach-Gates/14209777 Zach Gates

    I dig it. This is a great song.

  • Fred Durst

    THis song is so terrible it made me mad that I wasted time with it. I applaud the author for doing us the favor of telling us something sucks. Frees up more time for other impotrant internet stuff.

  • Michael

    Vince, I agree with you. I dig some sludge metal, especially Neurosis, Isis, and Baroness… but this new wave of shit like Zoroaster and Black Tusk is super boring. No hooks, just down-tuned simple riffs.