THE BLOGRONAUT ISN’T SO SURE AMERICA’S GOT TALENT

Wednesday, September 29th, 2010 at 5:00pm by

blogronaut

Being someone who is kind of stuck in their own little bubble most of the time, I tend to forget how ridiculous the outside world can be. Since my teen years, I’ve been disgusted, yet morbidly fascinated with mainstream culture. It’s like a flaming car wreck, for lack of a better analogy. I can’t watch any kind of television without feeling like I can see right through it, and being offended that so many people’s lives in one way or another revolve around corporate-funded programming, whether it’s for entertainment or information. I lost interest in owning a television years ago.

Anyway, the most recent offender is a show called “America’s Got Talent.” Have you SEEN this shit? It should be called “America Gets Told What To Think.” Never before have I been so compelled to stick needles into my eyeballs, take a shit on a studio audience’s collective head, and leap face first off a bridge all at once. This is the very epitome of mainstream media programming minds to reject anything outside their comfort zone. Here I am trying to get a little innocent bro time with my stepdad over the weekend (this actually happened a couple months ago), getting riled up enough to, uh, write a blog entry on Metalsucks.net.

First up is this guy doing Tuvan throat singing. I’m not sure what that is, but he obviously spent a lot of time learning to do it. Also, he should be applauded for taking the time to put together that John-Wayne-Gacy-meets-the-wicked-witch-of-the-north outfit. Of course, only the most burnt-out ex-hippies and/or fixed-gear retirees in Portland, OR have any idea what Tuvan throat singing is (aside from the Tuva people of southern Siberia of course), so naturally the studio audience at America’s Got Talent boo him off five seconds in. Never mind that it is in fact “talent” that he’s showing off here – it’s “weird”, so “boo.”

Now, America, who’s gonna come up here and show us some real-ass shit? How about this epileptic kid flying a kite? I know what you’re thinking. “Bro, no effin’ WAY is that even possible!” Don’t get me wrong, I’m sincerely happy that this kid has an outlet to express himself, and I’m not saying he isn’t talented. But listen to the song that’s playing here! Are you kidding me? I almost cry every time I reload the video while writing this. Not because I give half a shit, but because of some deep-rooted societal programming that tells me to be thankful that I am not epileptic myself.

This has very little to do with talent, and everything to do with people rejecting anything that they might get teased for liking. The epileptic kid flying a kite? Almost anyone can relate to that. Him getting the thumbs up from the judges is the ending to every cheesy movie this country loves. The throat singing? Sounds weird and primitive, and probably has some sort of muslim origins. Think too about how this applies to the music you listen to. Even on the more “underground” side of things.

I don’t remember exactly where I was going with this. Stop watching the news. Throw away your TV. Think about how afraid you are of being criticized for actually being yourself.

-SD

Intronaut’s new album Valley of Smoke comes out October 12th on Century Media. Smoke your own valley by visiting Intronaut on MySpace.

  • http://www.myspace.com/thestarsthrewdowntheirspears Tim

    Good blog. CANNOT WAIT TO HEAR THE NEW ALBUM.

  • matty2fatty

    I think my least favorite types of media comments start off with ‘Man, I hate tv and don’t own one and never watch it, but did you SEE that stupid show last night?’

    On a side note, I think the second kid would be more impressive if he did that with a strobe show as a backdrop. Now THAT would be talented

    • Double D

      First half of comment: yep

    • Carl

      Yeah, i mean, it’s epilepsy, not autism, you’re a completely normal person unless you get an attack, which if you’re on meds (which you definitely are if you’re diagnosed) is a pretty rare thing. Playing the sympathy card = fail

    • Cryzthormagnusian

      1

    • yetzer hara

      yeah, great idea dude. put an epileptic kid in front of a strobe light…

      • Boob

        yeah…. cause there was no sarcasm in that post at all………………………………………………

        (or in this one)

  • TonyT

    Yup I hate this show. I remember once I was watching this and a music teacher came out and she played the violin with distortion. I thought it sounded cool but the whole crowd fucking booed her off the stage. That was my first red flag about this show. And then the very next “performers” were these redneck looking douchebags and all they did was come out and air guitar and air drum to some shitty 80′s hair metal song…and they didn’t even do it well if that is possible. The whole audience cheered and the judges were saying stuff like “this is what it’s all about”, “love the energy” etc. I wanted to blow my brains out.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kasper-Maigaard/1027001938 Kasper Maigaard

    I’m glad I stopped watching that shit a long time ago. It’s completely disgusting. “Aaaaw there’s a little girl who can’t sing, but if we don’t let her win that would mean that we are soulless, evil, despicable eanie-meanie grown-ups.” What a poor show.

    • Matt

      Are you referring to the girl and her sister? I hope you’re not talking about Evancho…

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kasper-Maigaard/1027001938 Kasper Maigaard

        I’m not referring to anyone in particular. Aren’t there a shitload of these instances?

  • Matt

    That throat singing shit was fucking stupid

    • Dwarfskeet

      That’s not the point.

      The point is, it takes talent.
      It also takes a crowd of douchebags to boo off someone like that.

    • svc181

      no more stupid than a death growl, really

      • Chris

        10000

    • derpderp

      The Soriah guy’s first mistake is being a fat white guy.
      If he were a group of tibetan monks, he wouldn’t have gotten booed so fast.
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xGgDiH7HFw

      • Dwarfskeet

        That’s still not the point…

        And it was also a douche move to call out a mistake of being a “fat white guy.”
        I sure hope you’re under the age of 18.

        • Stain

          I don’t think he has anything against fat white guys, I think he just meant that if he looked good, he probably wouldn’t have been kicked out so fast.

  • TonyT

    Also that song used in the last clip is only appropriate when you are talking about abused dogs with a slow motion video with a fuzzy lens.

  • Mongorian

    David Draiman is a judge on American Idol???

    • Hetallica

      1

  • Azuma

    OMG that Tuvan throat singing guy must have helped with the making of the Fatal Frame and Silent Hill games…

    • Vlygar

      +10 made out of rusty fence.

  • Sacajawea

    I’m right there with you man. That Tuvan throat singing guy was very good I thought, and they were trying to claim that what they were doing with their voices was the same. It was fucking no where near what he was doing!

    I have a TV, I can’t throw it out because I play video games, but I try to avoid watching televeision, especially NBC (National Brain Control)!

  • Clown Baby

    I’m mostly surprised that the judges didn’t know what Tuvan throat singing was. It’s not some secret form of music that’s just been invented. I do enjoy the British guy displaying his ignorance by mocking it though (I mean…Tuvan throat singing doesn’t follow safe Western melodic structures, so it MUST BE STUPID!)

    I love reading things where people talk about how the media and mainstream society are telling us what to think/do, and then the writer finishes up by telling us what we should be thinking/doing. How about I do what I decide I want to do? I’ll watch the news, enjoy TV for what it is, and make my own conclusions, k?

    • http://www.morningablaze.com Smoke it up, Pig

      You both sound like a couple of brats.

  • no-ghost

    shut up. Dumb blog about stupid tv. who cares? tv is tv.

  • chris

    I watched a documentary about the throat singing on IFC a few years back, and I found it very interesting. I wish I could remember the name of the program. Hmmmmmm.

    Also, I’m extremely excited about hearing the new album. I hope you guys plan on touring Europe in the near future.

  • Al Solando

    I’m glad the majority of the US population are obese, uneducated, ignorant, self righteous, sheltered, retarded cunts because when the shit really hits the fan, they’ll be the first to go.

    • Monkey Knife Fight

      Hell yes.

    • DemonicLemming

      Slow-moving zombie food.

      • jamie

        YES cantwait

        i think us metalsucks nerds need to wear an MS flag during the zombie apocolypse to distinguish us all, hell id befriend anyone with it and help em out.

    • Driven9

      bitter much?! harden the fuck up

  • Balls

    “Not because I give half a shit, but because of some deep-rooted societal programming that tells me to be thankful that I am not epileptic myself.”

    Or maybe because having epilepsy fucking sucks?

    • izzo

      i think hes referring to the whole “awww feel sorry for this person and feel fortunate you dont have such and such” stuff they always say. sometimes its almost as if they try to make you feel bad for not having problems.

  • Vlygar

    When your grandparents (or parents, if you’re old enough) told you that watching all that tv will rot your brain, they were right. Not in a literal sense but in the way that you have no life of your own and devote your emotions to pixels on a screen and believe everything that’s spoonfed to you.

    When there’s a tv show that I wanna watch, I either watch it on the station’s website or download it. Simple as that, and there are tons of people doing exactly what I do.

  • Monkey Knife Fight

    Good post. It amazes me that these shows exist with such public support. Fucking poisonous cunts spreading psychic syphillis and we gag for more of it.

    To quote our man Brother Bill Hicks, “when did mediocrity and banality become a good image for your children”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRkA6zugNMQ

  • kmfcm

    Yeah, I don’t think that Susan Boyle lady would’ve done so well on the US version of that show.
    Lookism and all.

  • DemonicLemming

    For the most part, US tv has sucked ass for years. We wonder why the world thinks Americans are idiots, then turn around and showcase tv shows full of functionally retarded monkeypeople.

    Fuckin’ duh.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Corey-Mitchell/660352330 Corey Mitchell

      I could not disagree with this statement more. Shows like Lost, The X-Files, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, 24, The Sopranos, Dexter, True Blood, Six Feet Under, The Big C, Weeds, Supernatural, Friday Night Lights, etc. have been incredible this past decade. Indeed, some of the best entertainment of any kind comes straight from the cathode ray tube lately.

  • Cryzthormagnusian

    “Since my teen years, I’ve been disgusted, yet morbidly fascinated with mainstream culture.”

    All that statement tells me is that you are a person who wants to take the high road, or appear to so you can mock the lesser TV sheep, yet you really just watch it in secret and love every minute of it.

    • jamie

      no i understand it
      youve never watched a show and wondered how anyone could find it interesting or inspiring, or wondered how it got aired since everything on it is stupid and yet millions eat it up?

    • grossj

      this.

    • grossj

      i meant this. haha.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ben-Robson/1375985482 Ben Robson

    say what you will about the nature of the show (and shows like it)…but Jackie Evancho is a rare, rare talent, and Fighting Gravity are pretty interesting and original, too.

  • http://www.segadriven.com Hairyman

    I use my TV for gaming, not shitty programming. So no, I will not get rid of it.

  • curt chillin

    prince poppycock invaded my nightmares with “yankee doodle dandy” for a week after that performance… now that shit is terrifying …

  • Brett

    Oh no, TV is telling me what to do??? No wonder why I moved in with 4 baudy retirement-age women after watching that Golden Girls marathon…

  • Monochrome Sound

    The Tuvan throat singing sounds very similar in range and timbre to a didgeridoo, and I’m sure it takes just as much talent to do.

    But yeah, Americas Got Talent sucks. My mother and sister watch it, and legitimate acts get rejected. The REAL premise of the show isn’t to to find talent, it’s to make money, by not only having this show, and whatever merchandise that may follow, but also the fact that they are now able to market the winner, and make money off them in more shows. The performer benefits from it I’m sure, but the producers of this show and such, probably make a lot more. Capitalism at it’s finest…

  • jamie

    i agree
    everythign from the million america’s got talent shows (all the ones american idol started that now play on every channel every night)

    to mtv just pisses me off

    i completely agree on society being see through and having no creativity or originality in itself
    it saddens and disgusts me

  • Watt Par

    Hey Sacha, I hear there is a sale on tampons and those cute little butt donuts at CVS this week. Sounds like something you could really use after reading this post.

    P.S. Are you working on your beard yet?

  • dread

    It’s not a flaming car wreck. It’s like a morbidly obese elementary school dropout with congenital syphilis, a clubfoot and a hairlip that watches Fox news. That thinks it’s normal, healthy and reasonably informed.
    GO SPORTS! THE TEAM I LIKE IS AWESOME WHILE THE OPPOSING TEAM WHO ALL DO THE SAME SPORT AND ENJOY THE SAME EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITIES ARE ASSHOLES! TERRORISTS ATTACK AMERICA BECAUSE THEY HATE FREEDOM, NOT BECAUSE OF OUR MISERABLE FOREIGN POLICIES! WILL SOMEONE GET MY BIG GULP FROM THE COFFEE TABLE SO I DON’T HAVE TO LEAN FORWARD?! LET’S WATCH SOME REALITY PROGRAMS ON TV! PASS THE BACON!

  • Isaac

    I’m not throwing away my TV. I like Dexter too much.
    And Boomerang’s lineup.
    When good shit stops being on TV (after extensive searching), then out the window it shall go.

  • Jonathan

    Dude, several famous soundtracks USE Tuvan throat singing. But, what average american buys soundtracks to movies? No one, because they don’t give a shit. And if they do, they just imagine the ‘slposions.

    John Williams actually used it a bunch in Star Wars III, and it was absolutely beautiful when done so, despite the rest sounding like re-hashings of old SW themes. Still, that Brit judge is such an ass. As is the audience. I wish Soria had cursed them out and used some awesomely witty remark to put the judge in his fuckin’ place.

  • Some Random Dude

    One time I watched HLN news all day.
    I lost all faith in humanity.