Cinemetal

METALLICA HIRE DIRECTOR OF PREDATORS TO HELM 3D MOVIE

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My assertion that the Metallica 3D movie is going to suck is based on the principle that past behavior is always indicative of future behavior, and that a) Metallica have specialized in churning out drek for the past two decades and b) the movie is being produced by Charlotte Huggins, who, wouldn’t ya know it, also specializes in crap (her credits include the recent Journey 2: The Mysterious Island, which has a whopping 42% “fresh,” or positive, rating on Rotten Tomatoes). But now, just to seal the deal and make sure that this flick is a total waste of time and money, the band has hired hack director Nimród Antal.

Antal made his name with 2003’s classy Eurothriller, Kontroll, and then of course immediately came to Hollywood to strike it rich. His first three American films were Vacancy, a mediocre thriller (56% on Rotten Tomatoes) that bombed at the box office; Armored, an unwatchable action movie (42% on Rotten Tomatoes) that bombed at the box office; and Predators, the latest entry in the (duh) Predator franchise, which was terrible (64% on Rotten Tomatoes), and wasn’t quite a bomb, but it should tell you something that the movie came out almost two years ago and no sequel has been announced. (In contrast, Project X, which just opened this past Friday, already has a sequel in development. I’m not saying that makes it a good movie — I’m just pointing out that Hollywood doesn’t dick around when they think there’s money to be made.) This dude does not have a good track record with critics or audiences. In fact, Lars Ulrich’s entire statement accompanying the announcement focuses on Kontroll, making only vague reference to his other work

“I’ve been a fan of Nimróds since his first Hungarian film, Kontroll, showed up at Cannes in 2004 and blew everybody away. I’ve watched with excitement his career in Hollywood blossom over the last few years.”

…and for a reason. Kontroll is the only decent thing Antal has ever made. No one gets excited about a poster that says “From the Director of Armored.”

So, yeah. Things continue to look bleak for this thing.

In any case, the press release says the movie “will be a marriage of narrative and concert,” which is more than we — or the band, for that matter — knew just two months ago. It’s scheduled for release in 2013, but hopefully the Mayans were right and the world will end before it ever sees the light of day.

-AR

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