Everyone's Replaceable

Ten Drummers We’d Be Happy to See Join Slipknot

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jordison replacement suggestionsEveryone is still reeling from the news that drummer Joey Jordison has parted ways with Slipknot; love them or hate them, there’s no denying that The ‘Knot are pretty much THE biggest metal band of their generation, and the loss of a founding member — let alone one as popular as Jordison splitting with the group after another key founding member passed away — is a big, big deal.

It’s also an excuse to play one of our favorite games: fantasy line-up swap! And so, herein, we present ten drummers we think would make suitable replacements for Mr. Jordison.

#1 – SHAWN “CLOWN” CRAHAN or CHRIS FEHNfehn and clown

This would be an obvious choice — Crahan and Fehn are, of course, both already in the band, so fans wouldn’t have to get used to a new member, and while we actually don’t know if Fehn can play the really-real drums (no, the marching snare shit during “The Blister Exists” doesn’t count), Crahan has done so in several of his other bands. (Can he play as well as Jordison? That’s a whole other question.) Okay so this move would put the band down one percussionist, but, uh, most bands have no percussionists besides their drummer so whatever. It’s hard to imagine Slipknot’s music really suffering that much because one less dude was hitting an empty keg with an aluminum baseball bat.

#2 – DAVE LOMBARDODave Lombardo Re-Tweets

It’s hard to imagine this ever happening under any circumstances for like a gajillion reasons. But if Slipknot COULD make it happen… holy shit. It would definitely quell any fears about the quality of Jordison’s replacement, wouldn’t it? Bonus: it would make Slayer look all the more foolish for letting Lombardo go!

#3 – JON DETTEJon Dette

Why not? He’s subbed in for every other band that needed a drummer this year, and he didn’t even get the full-time gig in Slayer for his troubles.

#4 – STEVE “SKINNY” FELTONSteve Skinny Felton

Be honest: when you first saw the above photo of Felton playing drums with Mushroomhead, you thought you were looking at a picture of Corey Taylor playing drums for some reason. In other words: Felton would fit right in! And he already has experience playing in costume, which is probably a real pain in the ass! Bonus: would finally squash the long-running ‘Knot-‘Head feud, which has cost us the lives of too many young metal fans. Also, $omething tell$ me he could be lured away from Mushroomhead for this particular job.

#5 – MATTHEW MCDONOUGH Matthew McDonough Mudvayne

See #4 re: experience playing in costume.

#6 – GINGER FISHginger fish

See #5 re: experience playing in costume.

#7 – JIZMAK DA GUSHA 

See #6 re: experience playing in costume.

#8 – CHRIS VRENNAchris vrenna

See #7 re: experience playing in costume.

#9 – STEVEN ADLERSteven Adler

Honestly, we don’t think this would be a good choice. We just want him to shut the fuck up already about the Guns N’ Roses reunion which is never gonna happen. Would also mean Taylor finally gets to work with someone from GN’R.

And, finally, of course…

#10– SCOTT HULL

No explanation necessary.

In a fantasy world where you control everything, who would you make the new drummer of Slipknot? Weigh in with your wishes in the comments section below!

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