Here Are The Best Man Nipples In Metal
In a recent interview, Halestorm frontwoman Lzzy Hale dropped the following insight on sexuality in metal:
I think through the ’90s, and everything, the whole grunge era, everyone kind of started taking themselves too seriously. No offense to the ’90s — I’m a child of the ’90s — I’m just saying, the guys started getting a little shy, and then the girls kind of took over with the sex appeal, and now we’re the only ones doing it. So, guys, I challenge you: take some shirts off, will ya? We wanna see some man nipple.
For editorial reasons, I took all the [Laughs]s out of there. Nothing is worse in this world than [Laughs].
Anyway, we think Lzzy is short-sighted. Just like people who claim that metal is “over,” people who say there are no good man nipples in metal just aren’t looking hard enough. So here are some of the tastier man-maries out there in extreme music right now. You’re welcome, Hale!
The standard, obviously. Whether sitting poolside with the boys or just wearing his favorite shirt, the High On Fire frontman’s nipples are on full blast, all the time. The wolf tattoo beneath the one is a nice touch; it references a part in the Norse myth of Ragnarok where the wolf Fenrir devours Thor’s bulging thunder-nipple.
The frontman of New York’s Pyrrhon is known for his twisted lyrics, his fearsome rage… and his epic nips! Check him out here as he claws away at those man-nipples inciting screams from the hordes of ladies no doubt in attendance at his show. I’d like to peer on him, if you know what I mean! Nipples.
Damn! Even while they’re covered, the Dillinger Escape Plan frontman’s nipples seem to want to burst free! It’s a shame they have to be caged too often, but it’s for everyone’s safety — one wrong crowd-surfing moment, and an eye could be taken out! Careful, ladies, you could cut glass with those motherfuckers.
Wooooah, BLACK NIPPLE! Taake frontman Hoest makes sure all eyes burn into his nips of darkness. Interesting fact: it was once believed that if you had a third nipple, you were a servant of the Devil. It was the nipple you suckled your demon familiar from. Can you spot an extra nub on Hoest? Don’t look too hard, or you might go mad! Lay down your soul-a to the god Areola!
Flashing the crowd — scandalous! I’ve never seen a Black Dahlia Murder show were shrieker Strnad doesn’t let the boys out for some air, but this full-frontal nipple assault here may be too much for even Lzzy to handle! Pectoral majesty!
Are there any metal man nipples we forgot–any nip slips, if you will,? Submit your favorites in the Comments section. Just don’t forget to touch your fucking nipples while doing so!