MetalSucks

Shady times in Poland. We were a little bummed to begin with. Warsaw was coming up and we found out that Behemoth was playing in the same town as us. In their homeland. Ouch. When you get news like that your first feelings are, “Why bother with our show? Why not go hang out at their show?” That’s never a good idea. I remember when we were on the Dark Funeral/Naglfar tour in 2007 and we hit Phoenix, Arizona the same day as Behemoth and Job For a Cowboy. It seemed like a serious bummer, but somehow there were still around 200 kids at our show, which was on par for that tour. Same thing happened on this tour. There were like 400-500 kids at our show. I heard there were 2,500 people at the Behemoth show, but still, 400-500 kids made for good times.

The crowd was enthusiastic and other than the intense heat onstage, I thought it was great times. The promoter was super cool. The food spread he gave us was fit for an army. So many different kinds of everything. Meats, cheeses, breads, drinks, cereals, candies, fruits, yogurts, spreads, etc., etc., etc. His dinner was amazingly catered as well. So many different choices of pastas, meats, salads. The backstage area was huge. We were treated great.

Until the end of the night, that is.

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I’m not really a regular comics reader anymore so I have no idea if they still do this, but DC use to have this thing called Elseworlds where they basically reimagined the lives of various heroes – e.g., What if Superman had been Russian?, What if Batman was a vampire?, What if Wonder Woman had a dick?, etc. And I always really enjoyed those.

That same interest in the “what if?” questions must be why I’m also so fascinated when a band has to do a one-off gig without a key member and replaces said member with some other all-star musician – e.g., Metallica with Dave Lombardo and Joey Jordison, Trivium with Doc Coyle, and now Lamb of God with Unearth’s Buz “Banned from Wal-Mart” McGrath.

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I mean, look at these dudes. They be scary. Like, real “don’t wanna run into these guys in a back alley” scary, not faux “I wear corpsepaint to cover up for my small penis” scary. They nearly fuckin’ made me cry through sheer awesomeness at the 3rd stage of New England Metal & Hardcore Fest this past Friday; a band that bills themselves as “Old School Brutal Style” can’t go wrong. The Destro are at the top of my “psyched for a new album in ‘09″ list at the moment; their new record was recorded just prior to NEMHF with Ken “Not a Child Molester” Susi of Unearth fame, so expect that shit to drop on Ironclad / Metal Blade some time this year.

Here’s their video for “Beast Burden” from their debut record released in 2007. I’m pretty sure they’ve got a new bassist now (and possibly even a new drummer) but rest assured the new lineup kicks even more ass than the last. Listen to more of The Destro on Myspace.

-VN

True story (not tr00 story): Vince and I have a friend who is definitely not into metal and, for a very long time, thought Killswitch Engage was called Kill, Switch and Gauge. Y’know, like the world’s most fucked up law firm or something.

Speaking of KsE, here’s what went down this week:

• Even new Killswitch album art makes you guys argue. Sheesh.
• We have an exclusive clip from the new As I Lay Dying DVD!
• We spoke to Cannibal Corpse’s Paul Mazurkiewicz and checked out the new release from Dååth.
• You accused Vince of being a pedophile.
• Best website ever?
• I thought Anso DF’s coverage of Revolver’s Golden Gods Awards was pretty funny, but apparently none of you agree with me.
• Could Slayer and Megadeth really be touring together?!?

Okay. We have a special 4/20 treat for you guys on Monday, plus the triumphant return of Unreadable Band Logo of the Week, so make sure you get your ass back here. ‘Til then, I bid you adieu.

-AR

Ken Susi is some kind of wicked, twisted dude. I don’t even wanna know what he said to get the poor little girl in this video (or her parents) to perform a song with deeply sexual undertones. There is something very, very wrong here, yet… this is awesome! Watch it!

-VN

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