I love Michael Angelo Batio, and I do so without a shred (ha!) of irony. The former Nitro axeman has made a career out of playing completely ridiculous guitars in completely ridiculous manners; he’s like the Harlem Globetrotters of metal, a never-ending “web gems” reel of guitar acrobatics.

There’s nothing about this clip of Batio’s “tribute to Metallica” that requires four guitars to be played ambidextrously. Everything he plays could be executed fairly easily on just one guitar, the way, ya know, Metallica does it (with some looping pedal action, perhaps, which he uses anyway). Also not at all needed: switching guitar necks for show. But that’s what makes Batio, and this clip, so great: everything about them are completely, entirely unnecessary, including the very existence of this “tribute” itself. So why not have some fun with it and push things completely over the top? Metal needs more clowns like Batio who don’t take themselves too seriously.

I <3 Michael!

-VN

Maybe next week we’ll finally stop making fun of Morbid Angel for thinking that Illud Divinum Insanus was a good idea, but then again, probably not. As long as videos like this one exist, the lulz shall continue!

Speaking of lulz, here’s what else we did this week:

• We completed our list of The Top 25 Modern Metal Guitarists!
• We debuted the new Children of Bodom video.
• We also debuted new music by Sepultura and Isis.
• We introduced a new column by Landphil from Municipal Waste and Cannabis Corpse, and had a special edition of “Rigged” by Forbidden’s Steve Smyth.
• We spoke to Matt Henderson from S.O.S.
• We checked out the latest releases from the aforementioned Morbid Angel as well as Nitro and Wildestarr, and Kuldvas, Adam Emanon, Surachai, and Undying.
• We enjoyed seeing you not enjoy this Lady Gaga/Judas Priest mash-up.
• We assured our parents that metal isn’t getting too mainstream.
• We had our annual laugh at the most recent Gathering of the Juggalos infomercial.
• We got ready for the monotony of Metallica Monopoly.

And hopefully next week no legendary bands will release anything that’s completely unlistenable. ‘Til then, dear friends…

-AR

I like reading bad reviews. (I enjoy a crucifixion. I don’t know, maybe I was Roman in a past life.), but I really, really hate writing them. An old job I had used to consist of reviewing live shows and local, unsigned bands, and it was one of the most soul-crushing things I’ve ever had to do. I have a conscience. I don’t like completely annihilating something someone has spent so much time on. Something they put their heart and soul into. It’s generally why I stick to reviewing things that I’ve enjoyed and defending my reasons for that enjoyment. Maybe my enthusiasm will help sway someone’s mind.

That being said, I’m not going to feel obliged to write a good review for the hell of it. That sucks.

So. I got sent a couple records recently. I wasn’t too enthusiastic about them, and figured I would just let them fall by the wayside. Then I felt guilty about that. Good grief. It’s such a passive thing, though. Just man up and give an answer/ review, right? I think it’s better to be acknowledged, even in a negative light, rather than  be full-on ignored. So here are the two reviews I’ve been putting off for a while.

On the bright side, they’re quite the study in opposites: Turkish hardcore vs. Californian power metal.

Click to read more…

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Welcome to “Question of the Week,” a (sometimes) weekly debate amongst the MetalSucks staff regarding a recent hot button issue.

This week’s query was suggested by a reader identifying himself simply as “Andy” –

WHICH MODEL OF GUITAR IS THE MOST METAL?

The MS staff’s answers after the jump.

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…and no MetalSucks reader ever got an erection again.

It just thirteen months ago that Lita Ford loved ex-Nitro vocalist Jim “The Best A Man Can Get” Gillette so much that she was doing endless amounts of tweeting about how hot he was in the sack.

But while recently promoting her new album, She Don’t Look a Day Over Menopause, Ford revealed that she and Gillette are “going through a divorce right now, and it’s a really ugly divorce.” Say it ain’t so! If there’s no hope for the Lita and the guy she once said “literally fucks me right through the bed,” then it really is true what they say, and romance is dead.

I’m sad so sad, you guys. I might be too depressed to finish out the day. I think I have to go to my room and eat chocolates and watch Sex and the City. Anyone feel like making me an appletini?

Lita and Jim, this one’s for you…

Click to read more…

“BIG PANTS WASTE PRECIOUS FABRIC”

Step into my Nocturnus time machine and take a magical journey with me into a time long, long ago, an excursion into a world that scarcely resembles our own. In this world — we’ll call it Moshtopia — hardcore kids are known for wearing giant, baggy pants, not skinny jeans; there are people under 30 that know who Black Flag is; and metalcore bands worship Krishna, not Christ. This is not a fanciful episode of Jojo’s Bizarre Adeventure fan fiction, my friends, — it is the strange and wonderful world of mid-90s hardcore!

Click to read more…

Oh man this is so great I don’t even know where to start!!

MS Maniac and self-appointed Minister of Hair Steve Stamopoulos emailed us over the weekend with some amazing news; after a search that lasted months (years?) he’d finally found live footage of Nitro on YouTube, the veritable video holy grail of ’80s hair metal excess. Jon Becker’s Jim Gillette tribute scream and the third Vinnie Vincent Invasion album excepted, I can’t think of anything else this exciting ever to come through our inboxes; the MS Mansion Monkeys are going completely apeshit (will they shut up already???) for chrissakes.

The background vocals are hilariously and obviously tracked (no mics???), but that’s pure, unadulterated Jim Glilette up front… and yeah, dude backs up that glass-shattering shtick, wouldn’t ya say? Sadly Michael Angelo isn’t rockin’ his double-neck (or, gasp! — quad-neck) in this one, but we’re sure it’s backstage somewhere. No matter, as he makes up for it with some ridiculously over-the-top shred and his so-stupid-it’s-awesome “over under” technique which is about as useful as a breakdown in a Bury Your Dead song. And possibly most hysterically of all… no one is there to see them.

One more vid of awesomeness/hilarity after the jump…

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1. Endure a political lecture from Blackie Lawless.
2. Take an I.Q. exam designed by Korn fans.
3. Pose for a Paul Stanley-painted portrait of my taint for his next exhibit.
4. Try to teach my dog to play The Binary Code’s “Suspension of Disbelief” on the ukulele.
5. Watch Lita Ford and Jim Gillette fuck, then Tweet about it.
6. Help produce British Steel Drums: The World’s Most Irritating Tribute to Judas Priest.
7. Let Marilyn Manson spit in my mouth.
8. Let the dude from Weedeater clean his gun while it’s aimed directly at my face.
9. Tie Billy Milano to my penis and toss him over the side of a roof.
10. Pretend to be a solicitor, call the Dio residence, and ask if Ronnie is available.

So stop e-mailing us about it.

-AR

I just saw this video on SMN of Annihilator’s Jeff Waters showing off his signature Epiphone Annihilation Series guitar, which he claims is the “most metal guitar” ever. It’s basically just an ad for his guitar, so you don’t really need to watch it for more than a few seconds:

Now, with all due respect to Jeff Waters, who probably knows way more about guitars than I do, this is in no way, shape, or form the most metal guitar out there. MetalSuckers who know what’s up are aware that this is, has been, and always will be, without a sliver of a shadow of a doubt, the most metal fucking guitar in the history of forever-ever-ever:

Click to read more…

Before I begin telling you this story, I need to give you some background.

Lita Ford is married to Jim Gillette, a.k.a. “that dude from Nitro who could supposedly break glass with his vocals.”

Lita used to look like this:

And Jim used to look like this:

And now they look like this:

With me so far? M’kay, good.

So. Recently this married couple decided to make love (burrr… even writing that phrase ironically gives me douche chills). That’s fine. That’s their right. I hope all married couples enjoy sex well into old age.

But I also hope most of them don’t tweet vivid descriptions of what ensued, as Lita Ford apparently did. Read her tweets after the jump, courtesy Sleaze Roxx:

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Our friend and 21 Best Metal Albums of the 21st Century… So Far contributor Carlos Ramirez of Noisecreep has compiled yet another useless list so you all can argue, flame, and make snap-judgments on each others’ lifestyles and values (aka another day in the MetalSucks Haterade Mafia) based on musical tastes. Today’s list du-jour harks back to a time when high-pitched singers were all the rage and picks the best of that era. Though the list doesn’t actually bother to classify the top ten high-pitched singers of all-time in order, the fact that OMG I CAN’T BELIEVE _____ ISN’T ON THIS LIST should be plenty for ya’ll to get all hot and bothered about. If you ask us, Nitro’s Jim Gillette’s inclusion on this list is all that matters.

-VN

1. His refusal to acknowledge that it’s 2008.
2. The reverse-mullet hairstyle (see #1).
3. His Michael Jackson “Bad”-era clothes (see #1).
4. The fact that the guitar player for perpetual laughing-stocks (but nevertheless awesome!) Nitro has defied all odds and managed to carve out a career for himself that’s still going 20 some-odd years later.
5. The fact that he has five amplifiers on stage… for himself.
6. The “over-under” technique (see the 3:25 mark).
7. The double-neck (formerly quadruple-neck) guitar.
8. The facial expressions and rock star poses.
9. The fact that he’s still the sickest shredder both sides of the Miss’sipp.
10. Everything about the guy.
11. Etc.
12. THIS:

Speed Lives 2, the DVD featuring Michael Angelo Batio’s live performance in Simi Valley, California on July 9 of this year, comes out today. You need it. Don’t front.

-VN

And thankfully, Sergeant D of MetalInquisition is inclined to agree:

Let’s be perfectly clear: If you don’t like Nitro, you’re not my fucking friend. Obviously Nitro are completely ridiculous, but I 100% non-ironically love this band as Skullkrusher and Lucho Metales [other MI writers] can attest to. They had the biggest hair, the highest screams, the fastest solos, and the sickest riffs. I can listen to “OFR” a million times in a row. Also, the liner notes and lyrics are priceless, like the note that admonishes “DRUGZ R 4 DUMBFUKKS, DON’T BE A DUMBFUKK.” Everything about the band is totally absurd, but their songwriting is fucking awesome and the retarded lyrics just make me love them that much more.

Perfectly said, Mr. D. For similar non-guilty pleasure missives on the likes of Vinnie Vincent Invasion, Ugly Kid Joe (complete with baja jackets!), Tuff, and Pretty Boy Floyd, pay the cats at MetalInquisition a visit.

In the meantime, enjoy the video for Nitro’s “Freight Train:”

-VN

By popular demand — inspired by the one, the only, Jon Becker — our MetalSucks tribute to ex-Nitro singer Jim Gillette, he of the wine-glass shattering vocal high notes. We’ve trawled the bowels of YouTube to come up with the best home-filmed Jim Gillette imitations out there and we’ve compiled them into one handy-dandy post. What follows is Exhibit A in Internet awesomeness.

First, the original, Jim Gillette. After the jump… his devotees.

[kml_flashembed movie="http://youtube.com/v/bH5gmbugmxM" width="425" height="350" wmode="transparent" /]

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We’re huge fans of Michael Angelo Batio / Nitro here at MetalSucks. Seriously. No dude is more metal. That over/under technique gives us a major stiffy. So naturally we got a bit aroused when the indubitable Metal Inquisition posted the following:

Michael Angelo Batio from Nitro has to be one of the few people who actually looked better during the height of the glam 80′s than he does now.

1. How do you even ask for a haircut like this? Do you ask to look like a Muppet?

2. His shirt with unnecessary buckles is rather impressive as well.

3. Love the sky-like backdrop curtain. Tasteful.

The truest words ever spoken = A+ journalism. Nice job, guys.

-VN