MetalSucks

I found the following quote from a recent interview with Gene Simmons to be (inadvertently) hilarious:

“This is electric church, and no one on that stage — me or anyone else — wears the makeup and platform heels by some kind of birthright. This ain’t Europe; just ’cause your dad was king doesn’t make you the king. You’ve got to earn it. And when you defile KISS, you should be thrown out.”

Gene is referring to dudes like Ace Frehley, Peter Criss and Vinnie Vincent, of course. But I have to wonder what he thinks they did that was worse than this:

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Last night, I was among the privileged few permitted to attend the Nine Inch Nails show at Webster Hall, the second of four sold-out NYC club shows from the arena-filling industrial rock act. The setlist from the previous night at Bowery Ballroom appeared heavy with newer songs, which admittedly had me pretty skeptical walking into one of my least favorite venues in this city. That fat stinking sweaty territorial assholes had commandeered spots on the balcony railings to bootleg the show only added to my sense of dread that the show would disappoint. I found a halfway decent spot on the upper level and braced myself for the shitty sight lines and poor ventilation that defines Webster Hall concert experience.

Fortunately, Trent Reznor had something special in store for the crowd that would make up for everything: playing the entire The Downward Spiral LP from start to finish.

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A Nine Inch Nails live show is, truly, something to behold. It won’t shock anyone that Trent Reznor puts a massive amount of attention and care into his concerts; not just in the selection of the set list, but in terms of the stage show, the lighting, the on-screen visuals, etc. You could argue that Reznor is over-compensating for the fact that his band requires samples and drum loops as much as they require excellent musicianship, but attending a NIN gig is never just going to see another concert; it’s going to have an experience. And Reznor always makes sure that his fans get their money’s worth.

But now those evil Viacom bastards are reporting that Reznor is retiring from the stage:

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Directly from the horse’s mouth comes the news that “guitarist n’ songwriter [emphasis added to point out mental retardation] Dj Ashba… officially replaces current NIN guitarist Robin Finck” in Guns N’ Roses. “Once Dj’s name was in the hat, the hat disappeared!!” benevolent dictator Axl Rose exclaims, doing his best impersonation of my Uncle Morty.

Showing that Rose at least has a sense of humor, the statement concludes: “Now, one step closer to the abyss, Ashba joins a band who’s all time roster is nearly as long as it’s [sic] founder Axl Rose’s rap sheet!” Oh, Axl, you scamp.

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To: W. Axl Rose

From: Double-Jew Axl Rosenberg

Re: Plans for a Guns N’ Roses Summer Stadium Tour in 2009

Dear Axl Rose,

WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?!?!

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After weeks of wondering why the fuck Axl Rose was doing nothing to promote Chinese Democracy (which is selling poorly, to put it mildly), early this morning “The Howard Hughes of Rock” added another bizarre chapter to his ongoing saga by answering fans’ questions on the message boards for popular GN’R fan sites Here Today… Gone to Hell! and MyGNR.com (Under the username “Dexter,” because he’s apparently a fan of the television show and has named his cat after the titular serial killer. Seriously.).

Aside from what his reputation may have led us to believe, this was not a Dubya-like pre-planned press conference, and Rose didn’t appear offended by a variety of questions actually worth asking (e.g., Why did the album take so long?, Why did the old band break-up?, etc.). That being said, his answers were typically enigmatic, strange, and, in some cases, unsatisfactory, and anyone who thinks this “promotion” will help sales of the album is kidding themselves – casual fans may hear about this unexpected happening, but it can’t possibly have the same effect as, say, a Rolling Stone cover.

That being said, I don’t think it was Rose’s intention to boost sales* so much as it was simply to communicate, in whatever capacity, with the hardcore fans that continue to hold a candle for him. And that’s actually commendable. You could argue that communicating with fans is what Rose is supposed to do and that patting him on the back for this “interview” of sorts is like rewarding someone for not breaking the law; but the GN’R faithful can give Trekkies a run for their money in the “inappropriately passionate” department, and why rain on their parade? They’ve put up with a lot of shit over the years and deserve this little ray of sunshine.

After the jump, read some of the more interesting Q&As from Rose and his fans, including info on an upcoming video, the (seemingly) already planned re-release of Chinese Democracy, the next GN’R album, and more.

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HOLY FUCKING SHIT, have you guys read the liner notes for this fucking thing? “Produced by Axl Rose and Caram Costanzo. Mixed by Andy Wallace, Caram Costanzo and Axl Rose. Final Mixing: Caram Costanzo and Axl Rose.” “Additional production and preproduction by Roy Thomas Baker.” “Additional Production: Sean Beaven.” “Additional and/or initial Engineering.” Those are just the whole album credits. Each song gets its own “initial production” credit, too, and, in one instance, an “initial arrangement by” shout out. The phrase “reamped, edited and engineered” appears at least twice. Fourteen recording studios are listed, spread out over four cities on two continents. There’s no fewer than five guitarists (six if you count Rose himself), two keyboard players (three if you count Rose), two drummers, and two composer/orchestrators cited (The fact that only one bass player, Tommy Stinson consistently plays on the album seems like something of a marvel… oh, wait, that Chris Pitman dude everyone calls “Mother Goose” for some reason plays bass on “If the World.” Nevvvvvvermind.). Donatella Versace, Kid Rock, Lars Ulrich, and Mickey Rourke are all thanked, alongside guys with names like “Mookie” and “Worm.” THERE’S A CREDIT FOR “LOGIC.” I DON’T EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT THE FUCK THAT MEANS. IS THERE A COMPUTER PROGRAM CALLED “LOGIC” OR ARE PEOPLE ACTUALLY BEING CREDITED WITH SUPPLYING SOME LOGIC????????

I’m not making this shit up. I couldn’t make this shit up. Oh, to be a fly on the wall during the recording of Chinese Democracy! It must have made the production of Apocalypse Now seem like a long weekend on Fire Island.

But here’s the thing: as incredibly, insanely, undeniably fascinating as all that shit is, it really has nothing to with any critical analysis of the album.

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When I lost my virginity, I was so excited to actually have my penis in a vagina after so many years of thinking about it that whether my first time was actually an enjoyable experience or not was kind of beside the point. And with its release now less than a week away, that’s how I’m starting to feel about Chinese Democracy: I’m tired of thinking about it and just wanna experience it already, no matter what my final feelings on it turn out to be.

And even though the marketing campaign behind this mo’fo hasn’t been as massive as one might’ve thunk, Team Axl Rose certainly does know how to keep themselves in the headlines: they’ve now released a second single from the forthcoming opus, “Better,” which you can stream at Noo Yawk classic rawk station Q104.3. Incidentally, they are also running a search for New York’s hottest mom. Yowza.

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While Robin Finck fans everywhere mourn the loss of his Vince Neilstein-size beard (see NIN rehearsal pic right, or click here for additional pics), Trent Reznor has decided to give a little promotional boost to the bands that will be opening for him on his summer tour, including A Place to Bury Strangers, Does it Offend You, Yeah?, Crystal Castles, and Deerhunter. Via the NIN website:

“I assume some of you may not be entirely familiar with the acts I’ve chosen to join us on various legs of this tour, so we’ve compiled a sampler EP for you. Click here to download this for free. If you like what you hear, be sure to show up early to the show (and please remember to support them by purchasing their music, if so inclined).”

Well, as usual, Trent has won “coolest rock star” award with this latest move. Most support acts on big tours like this one are lucky if the headliners even acknowledge their presence; by offering this free sample, Reznor is actively encouraging his fans to check out these bands, which shows he has real belief in their talents. What a refreshing change of pace.

-AR

Y’know, considering the fact that every time we post some GN’R-related news at least one you tells us we talk about GN’R too much, I sure did get a lot of e-mails over the weekend from fans concerned that guitarist Robin Finck may be leaving the band.

So let’s get this out of the way quickly: yes, the above photo of Robin, appearing more goth-friendly than the hippy-dippy look he sported on the last Guns tour, did appear on Friday on the Nine Inch Nails official website with the caption “Welcome back!” Yes, that means he’s going to do another tour with NIN. Now, what does that mean with regards to his future with GN’R? Honestly, I have no fucking idea, and I imagine no one who’s not Finck, Trent Reznor or Axl Rose does, either.

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