Welcome to 2012! No matter if you’re inclined to believe the predictions of a certain ancient civilization or subscribe the nonsensical ravings of yet another evangelical Christian idiot (or are just, like, paying attention to the amount of holy-shit-we’re-fucked that’s been going around), all signs seem to point pretty clearly towards Armageddon. Maybe fire won’t rain down from the sky at midnight on the dot next December 31st, but the end times are nearing. As for every major event, you need a soundtrack, right? Something to drown out the screams of the damned, and distract you from the radiation sickness slowly spreading through your bloodstream. As some of you may remember, I’m a little nuclear-obsessed (and so are lots of your favorite bands), so don’t worry, I’ve got you covered.

Here are a few of my favorite ditties for celebrating the end of the world as we know it…and whatever comes next. Unsurprisingly, war metal does a damn good job of chronicling the horror, but crust, grind, and black metal take their turn doing the toxic waltz, too. Apocalypse now. Click to read more…

If you missed the awesome Toxic Holocaust headlining tour we sponsored over the summer, don’t be too sad — ’cause the band just announced another trek, this one to start in February. Last time, the band had one punk band, Krum Bums, and one metal band, Holy Grail, playing support; this time, they’ll have two punk bands, English Dogs and The Casualties, and one metal band, Havok, as support. So I guess, like, go put some egg in your hair or whatever. I don’t really know where I was going with that.

ANYWAY, these shows should be shit tons of fun. Here are dates, courtesy of Metal Underground:

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Vince and I saw that super-duper-sweet Toxic Holocaust/Holy “So Much Hair” Grail/Krum Bums tour last week, and, as expected, all three bands brought the FUCKING ROCK. Hopefully, you’ve either caught one of these shows, or are able to catch one of the remaining ones (get dates here); one way or the other, the band’s new, handsomely filmed performance video, for the song “Judgment Awaits You,” may be the next best thing to actually moshing mere inches for the real-live band.

“Judgment Awaits You” comes off of Toxic Holocaust’s latest album, Conjure and Command, which is out now on Relapse.

-AR

[via Blank TV]

Last year (and the year before) I got way too busy with this thing called life and missed out on a lot of quality music. I am here to rectify the error of my ways, month by month.

Here are the July 2011 releases that got under my skin, burrowed their way into my brain, made my ears bleed, or simply tickled my unmentionables:

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On July 20th we launched a contest in conjunction with Toxic Holocaust, Earbits Radio and Relapse Records in celebration of Toxic Holocaust’s new record Conjure & Command and the launch of our very own MetalSucks streaming radio station at Earbits. Today we announce the winners; if you see your name below and haven’t received word yet via email, please get in touch with us.

• Grand Prize: Torbjørn M.
• First Prize: Will H., Cristian F., Matt W.
• Second Prize: Fionn L., Jeremy Y., Mary S, Jeff B., Jonny L., Corey P.

Congrats to all involved! You’re gonna love your TH prize pack.

If you haven’t done so yet, check out our new streaming Earbits radio station for a free, continuous selection of MS-approved metal.

And don’t forget, Toxic Holocaut are on a MetalSucks / Metal Injection-sponsored U.S. tour RIGHT NOW with Holy Grail and Krum Bums! Remaining dates are posted after the jump.

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MetalSucks is thrilled to announce the launch of our very own streaming radio station at Earbits.com! It’s completely free for your enjoyment and features a constantly-streaming playlist of MetalSucks-approved artists across the metal spectrum. To celebrate this momentous occasion and yesterday’s release of Toxic Holocaust‘s new album Conjure and Command (streaming in full here, available for purchase here), we’ve teamed up with Relapse Records to offer one lucky winner a deluxe edition of Conjure and Command on 2x vinyl and CD/DVD, a t-shirt, and a chance to hang out with Toxic Holocaust before a show on their upcoming tour (dates here). Three additional first place winners will get all that except for the meet and greet, and six more runners-up will be chosen to win the new album as a digital download.

To win, simply visit the MetalSucks Station at Earbits and follow the instructions on the on-screen prompt that will appear after about 10 seconds.

If for some reason all that cool stuff isn’t impetus enough to enter, how about doing it ’cause these hot babes said so?

As I peel the skin off my back while I endure the summer of scenic Nebraska, metal as a whole has dropped a ton of new releases in my lap. Yes, this was a great excuse to stay in the air conditioning for a day to do my column this week, but with new releases from Hail!Hornet, Ringworm, City Of Ships and Toxic Holocaust, sitting at a laptop in the summer was a double win. Check out my anger-inducing opinions below.

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Here’s a not-at-all awful way to begin your week: Toxic Holocaust are now streaming their new album, Conjure and Command, in full right here. It has enough energy to kickstart your morning in a way that coffee, cocaine, or some combination thereof never could, so you pretty much wanna start listening to it right now. No, I do not care that your boss is standing right there. If he hears you listening to this, I imagine he’ll be too scared to do anything other than leave you alone for the rest of the week and hope you don’t come to work with an AK-47 in your bag.

I’m saying this is a darn good record.

Headbang here, then let us know what you think in the comments section below. Conjure and Command comes out tomorrow on Relapse. And lest ye forget, Toxic Holocaust are hitting the road for a headlining tour that some really awesome websites (ahem) happens to be sponsoring, and they have Holy Grail and Krum Bums along for the ride, so, yeah, only losers will miss those shows. Get dates after the jump!

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We couldn’t quite blame you if you’re not familiar with Krum Bums; technically speaking, they’re really more punk than metal.

But you SHOULD know them, because they play AWESOME punk, and are clearly metal-friendly: they’ll be part of the upcoming MetalSucks/Metal Injection-sponsored tour with Toxic Holocaust and Holy Grail (dates here). Which is all the metallic recommendation you should need.

But if you need more, well, now you can allow your ears to feast for themselves: MetalSucks is proud to debut “Starving Wolves,” a new cut from the band’s forthcoming album Cut the Noose, out August 23on People Like You Records. It’s loud, it’s fast, it’s obnoxious… it’s everything you want from extreme music.

Check out “Starving Wolves” below; pre-orders of Cut the Noose will be available soon via CM Distro.

[this streaming promotion has ended]

That’s right, little ones! We’re teaming up with our pals over at Metal Injection to bring you Toxic Holocaust’s upcoming five-week North American headlining tour. It’s in support of the band’s latest and greatest, Conjure and Command (out July 19 on Relapse), which impales aardvark babies left n’ right n’ left again. And these dudes seriously rule live.

And in case that wasn’t enough to entice you, they’re taking out the awesome awesome awesome Holy Grail for support, along with Krum Bums, a totally killer punk band is that is guaranteed to knock your socks clean off.

These shows are going to be INSANE, so make sure you don’t miss ‘em. Dates after the jump!

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By which I actually mean: Let’s rock this new Toxic Holocaust jam, “Bitch.”

Toxic Holocaust are one of the few modern (or not-so-modern, such as the case may be) thrash bands whose music actually justifies the genre’s ongoing existence. Never mind that most other re-thrash bands don’t write riffs this good; most bands from the actual Golden Age of Thrash don’t write riffs this good anymore. Toxic Holocaust are, simply put, the shit.

So, like as I previously commanded: GET THEE TO THE DECIBLOG, TURN UP THY SPEAKERS, AND UNLEASH THE HOLOCAUST.

“Bitch” comes off of Toxic Holocaust’s latest, Conjure and Conquer (totally rad cover art above), which comes out July 19 on Relapse.

-AR

Has it really been three years since An Overdose of Death? Holy crap, time flies, dude! I feel like that album came out yesterday. Wowza.

Not that I’m complaining that we’re getting a new Toxic Holocaust album or anything. The band’s latest, Conjure and Command, is coming out this summer, and now the first single has been unleashed. It’s called “Nowhere to Run,” and it’s catchy as hell. Theoretically it’s streaming on Toxic Holocaust’s Facebook page, but as of this writing said page is not functioning properly, so I’ve included someone’s illegal YouTube embed below. Check it out before I get sued for doing so (or, y’know, just keep clicking that link to the FB page until it starts working again).

Conjure and Command will be out July 19 on Relapse. You can pre-order it here, where you can also get a better look at the badass cover art.

And let me just say, in conclusion:

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Ever since the dawn of the nuclear age, mankind has been fascinated with The Bomb and its terrifying capabilities. Even before The Manhattan Project bore fruit, countless nuke-themed songs, movies, books, and of course, good ol’ propaganda flooded the American consciousness and captivated our over-reactive imaginations. Some truly masterful books (Level 7, Alas, Babylon, A Canticle for Liebowitz) and truly abominable pulp fiction novels were written, the government cheerfully advised its citizens to build bomb shelters out back and stockpile creamed corn “just in case!” (better an oblivious populace then a nation of protestors, right?), and Bert the talking turtle advised kiddies on the best way to protect themselves during an atomic blast (hide under your desk and cover your head, and everything will be swell!).

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The below advertisement is for software I’ve never heard of, Guitar Rig 2 (although I don’t claim to be an expert in music software). I stumbled across it quite by accident while YouTube surfing, and apparently it’s at least four years old, which makes the fact that I’ve never seen it before all the more surprising. In any case, it’s best that I don’t tell you much about it, lest I spoil the fun — so just watch.

This is so much better than that cell phone ad with Rob Halford, or that beer ad with Motorhead, or pretty much any metal-themed ad I’ve seen this year that isn’t this one. As my man Vince likes to say, A+++++++, would do business with again.

-AR

On Tuesday night we got an e-mail from reader Taylor Carik, letting us know that he and a friend had gone to see Danzig at the Cabooze in Minneapolis earlier in the evening — only for Danzig to cancel the show at the last minute, “saying he didn’t like the venue.” Apparently the other bands on the tour played anyway, though — Taylor also told us that “Moduk was alright, too, for corpse paint.” And I know I should have immediately done some research to see if Danzig had, indeed, cancelled a gig because he didn’t like a venue, but I didn’t. I was far too interested in finding out who Moduk were. Corpse paint that can actually play music? That’s amazing! It takes the musicians who usually wear the corpse paint right out of the equation! IT COULD BE A REVOLUTION IN BLACK METAL!!! No longer would corpse paint be beholden to some asshole to make its art.

But while I was busy trying to track down this magical corpse paint, we got another e-mail, from a reader calling himself “Why Hate Abigail Williams?” (to which I can only reply, “Because they blow goats and like it?”), pointing us towards this report regarding the Danzig cancellation in question:

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BOO-YA! We have a real treat for you today, kiddies: a brand-spankin’-new track from Havok‘s forthcoming Candlelight Records release, Time is Up. We give re-thrash bands a lot of shit here on MetalSucks, but Havok are no ordinary re-thrash band — sure, their music is distinctly old-school style thrash, but their songwriting skills and musicianship are a notch above the competition. And they put on a killer live show, too! Vocalist/guitarist Dave Sanchez assures us that Time is Up is “SO THICK IT’S GONNA GIVE YOU DIAREHHA,” and if “Fatal Intervention” is any indication, he ain’t lyin’! Like all of Havok’s music, it is, simply put, smokin’. Check it out below!

Time is Up will feature album art by Halsey Caust, who also did the cover for Havok’s last album, Burn, as well as multiple records for Toxic Holocaust. We’ll give you more details on the album’s release as we get ‘em. In the meantime, the band is still on tour with Wretched and Armed for Apocalypse through November 16; get dates after the jump!

[this streaming promotion has ended]

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Earlier this week I had a dream that I was working with Atreyu. I don’t know in what capacity I could possibly find myself “working with” Atreyu, since I’m not a manager, nor a publicist, nor a label rep, and they’re about as likely to end up doing a guest column here as I am to give the new In This Moment album a perfect 5-horn review, but, hey, the subconscious works in mysterious ways. Why did I have Atreyu on the brain? Was my mind trying to tell me “The glass is half-full?” Do I have  a hankering to re-watch The Neverending Story? Did I just ingest too many different substances that night? I’ll have to bring it up in therapy next week.

Here’s other shit that happened this week, some of which, believe it or not, is even more terrifying than the thought of working with Atreyu:

• Freddy Madball is counting down his favorite hard and heavy non-hardcore bands of all time, TesseracT’s Acle walked us through the history of djent, The Austerity Program’s Justin Foley spoke to Converge’s Kurt Ballou about Taco Riffs, The Red Chord’s Greg Weeks made some suggestions for losing NFL teams, Intronaut’s Sacha Dunable contemplated the ways in which technology has changed touring, Daath’s Eyal Levi wondered, “Is this it?”, and a wide array of metal stars previewed the just-begun NHL season.
• We spoke to Kirk Windstein from Crowbar/Down/Kingdom of Sorrow, Sean Z. from Daath, Daddy X and Dirtball from Kottonmouth Kings, and Yoshiki Hayashi from X Japan.
• We checked out the latest releases from Abysse and Deafheaven.
• We contemplated trancecore.
• As the headline says, we heard the worst thing ever.
• We reviewed the history of terrible Limp Bizkit cover songs.
• We had fun with misheard song lyrics.
• We bemoaned the signing of another re-thrash band.
• We applauded Slayer fans’ desire to help the physically disabled.
• We had yet another laugh at Winds of Plague’s expense.

We have a special surprise for you next week. I can’t promise you’re going to like it, but I can promise you’re going to have a strong reaction to it. See ya then.

-AR

So right now you’re probably thinking 1) “Hey, assholes, the NHL season actually started last night so this can’t really be a ‘preview’ in the traditional sense of the word,” and 2) “Hey, assholes, at least one of these artists isn’t actually signed to Relapse Records.” And, yes, we know we’re a little late, but this is metal, so who the fuck is ever on time? And, yes, we know that at least one of these artists isn’t actually signed to Relapse Records, but most of them are, and the fine people at Relapse really did all the work in putting this together, so ppppfffffttttt.

So. After the jump, you can find previews of how the freshly-begun NHL season is looking for the favorite teams of members of 3 Inches of Blood, -(16)-, Buried Inside, Cephalic Carnage, Cretin, Dekapitator, Exhumed, Fuck the Facts, Gravehill, Hero Destroyed, Indian, Misery Index, Mortuous, Repulsion, and Toxic Holocaust. Enjoy!!!

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Cosmo Lee at Invisible Oranges called the below commercial, for next month’s Brainsqueeze Fest, ”the best ad I’ve ever seen for anything,” and it’s hard to argue with him. The spot is clever, funny, understand its target audience, and, oh yeah, small detail, makes it clear what it’s selling long before the product logo actually appears on screen. (Although, truth be told, it’s so damn good that even if it turned out to be an ad for Garnier Fructis, or Axe Body Spray, or Maximum Douche, or any other number of products, I probably would have purchased that item.)

I suspect that at least some of the ad’s success stems from the fact that it is truly DIY — it was made, in part, by musicians and indie label peeps involved with the fest. So its creators actually have a passion for what they’re selling, as opposed to some Madison Avenue executive whose attitude is ostensibly, “We’re being paid to shill for this product that no one actually needs and that doesn’t really do anything, so let’s not-so-subtly tell the viewer that his or her life sucks and will cease sucking only when they buy this useless piece of shit.” You should head over to Invisible Oranges to learn all the ins and outs of who did what — but I will tell you that the ten year old is MetalSucks’ favorite prepubescent blogger. No, I don’t mean Ziltoid.

Ads like this one can exist today because television is no longer required for broadcasting. That’s the good news. The bad news is, I don’t think this spot will ever actually run on T.V. But holy shit, it would be awesome if it did.

Brainsqueeze Fest takes place October 8 and 9 Oakland. The line-up is pretty killer, and includes Municipal Waste, Cannabis Corpse, Toxic Holocaust, Ghoul, and more. Get details and tickets here.

-AR

Actually the song in this video is called “Lord of the Wasteland,” but I wanted to do my usual put-the-song-title-in-the-headline bullshit. So I cheated. Sue me.

ANYWAY, Toxic Holocaust and Municipal Waste, two bands that certainly both have a sense of humor, are playing here in New York on Earth Day next week; unfortunately I can’t make it (although I think MS will represented at the show by Antonin Skullia, Esq.). The show is most certainly going to be better than Avatard, which comes out DVD the same day (My local Best Buy is advertising a special midnight release party for the Smurf movie’s arrival; if I walk by there in the hours prior and see anyone lined up and as though OHMYFUCKINGGODWHATIFTHEYDON’THAVEENOUGHCOPIESOFTHEAVATARDDVD?!?!?, I’m going to give them a titty twister.) But at least I can watch Toxic Holocaust play live via the footage in this video! And I don’t even need stupid glasses to enjoy it! (I mean besides the stupid glasses I always have to wear in order to see. But not another pair of glasses on top of that.)

Find out if you’re luckier than me and can go see these dudes live – check out their current tour dates. “Lord of the Wasteland” appears on the album An Overdose of Death…, which is out now on Relapse.

-AR