Ziltoidia Attaxx!!!




Yes, you read that correctly. For those who don’t know, I hate Sunn O))). I abhor them. I loathe them. The pointless, pretentious, and artistically void droning just infuriates me. They are just beyond awful in every conceivable way. Thus, when I found \\Maytag, I fell in love with them instantly. You see, the members of \\Maytag hate Sunn O))). They hate them so much that they went out of their way to make a parody band based on them. They compared Sunn O)))’s sound to broken refrigerators, so they took that idea and made their own brand of “drone metal” using refrigerators and various other kitchen appliances. It started as a joke, but they somehow got over 65 minutes of material for an album with 23 tracks, grimly entitled The Saga of the Frostbitten Lands of Frigidaire, and enough material for two extra EPs (with one long epic track each). I have to say, the result is fucking hysterical! Just listening to the droning fridges, with the tiny subtleties thrown in, makes me giggle like an idiot watching Dane Cook (only idiots like Dane Cook).


The Saga is their main pride, and frankly, these tracks all succeed at their purpose. Sure, some of the songs are short, but it allowed for them to vary up their drones (something that Sunn O))) doesn’t do) and have more people contribute. Just look at the track “Among the Dishes.” This track literally has a set structure, yet drones along in typical Sunn O))) fashion. And the part at around 2:30 is great—a female voice chimes in “Why are you doing this?”. This is my favorite female vocal performance in a metal song to be perfectly honest. Isn’t that what we all ask Sunn O)))? I think so. Another highlight is the jokingly clipped, uncatchy, and horribly inaccessible “Frigid Backwoods.” This is a minute of the heaviest drones ever. End of story. Then comes one of their more interesting songs, “Chow Down.” They have stated that the intro is a parody of Born of Osiris’s “Bow Down” because they fucking hate them. It starts with some great harsh vocals shouting “FUCKIN CHOW DOWN,” and then it goes into a black metal-esque section with what seems to be a toaster imitating a snare, and some chopping thing creating the double bass sound, while a blender creates the guitar sound. Of course, black metal shrieks are all over it for 50 seconds. Then it goes all ambient and drone-y for about a minute and a half, progressively getting louder and like Sunn O))). Then the black metal part returns, but with falsetto vocals harmonized over some black metal shrieks for the finale. It’s actually really epic for a drone song. If anything, \\Maytag varies themselves up more than Sunn O))) and produces much more entertaining and artistic music.

The rest of the album continues in this majestic fashion, and it’s blatantly obvious that all 13 members who participated got their contributions into the final result. It may be a parody album, but I’m convinced that this is the best parody ever. Yes, better than Spinal Tap (and I love Spinal Tap). Their currently working on another album, and have 3 demos done, but they’re also working on a “secret” cover of a pop song right now. The song is apparently almost done, but they are making a music video for it as well. People have been following the rules on their website and submitting content of themselves so that they can get into this video. I inquired about this, and the guy in charge of the website told me that it would be like a combo of “The Call of the Wintermoon” and “I’m on a Boat.” That has me very interested.

To make things even better, \\Maytag puts up all of their music for free download. Here are some links:

Official website (go to “Discography” section to download everything): http://maytag235.wordpress.com/
Official myspace: http://www.myspace.com/maytag235
Official Twitter (no clue why they have one tbqh): https://twitter.com/Maytag235

Hope you all enjoy the grim frigid frostbitten kvlt-ness of \\Maytag. Keep on the lookout for that music video! Remember, this is tr00 metal at it’s finest, and not hipster shit that’s awful like Sunn O))). By the way, that fridge pic at the beginning of this post is their mascot. About as metal as Iron Maiden’s Eddie if I do say so myself.


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