Rampant Rumors

FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH: SHAPING UP TO BE THE STRANGEST STORY OF THE WEEK…

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notsamroon

Are we even on Five Finger Death Punch’s press release list anymore? I haven’t seen anything from them in a long time. I guess they don’t come from the “there’s no such thing as bad publicity” school of thought.

So I just read this statement from the band on Blabbermouth:

“We have not been able to locate Zoltan [Bathory, guitar] from FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH since Friday night’s [September 18] show in Las Vegas. He has not responded to calls, text messages, or emails, and he was last seen around 2:00 a.m. Friday night at Wasted Space in the Hard Rock Casino, taking tequila shots at the bar with a group of guys from a bachelor party who came to the show.

“If anybody has any information as to the whereabouts of Zoltan, please email ffdp AT prospectpk DOT com immediately. This is not like him and the band needs to prepare for the upcoming tour. We have already notified the appropriate authorities, but any help Vegas fans might be able to provide is very much appreciated.”

Now… that would be sad news, not worthy of being made fun of, even by someone who hates this band as much as I do (and there are few currently active metal bands I loathe more than FFDP). But Blabbermouth did some good snoopin’ and included this note with the statement:

“Someone logged in to Zoltan‘s personal MySpace profile earlier today (Sunday, September 20), which makes the entire story a little suspect.”

So what does that mean? One of three things, as far as I can tell:

  1. Zoltan really is missing and someone other than him has the log-in info for his MySpace page. This isn’t entirely out of the question, as sometimes those pages are actually run by publicists, managers, etc.
  2. Zoltan isn’t missing, he’s just not returning his band mates’ phone calls for whatever dumb reason.
  3. The whole thing is a publicity stunt.

If it’s number two, than I imagine Zoltan is either quitting the band, or is about to get fired for being so irresponsible. If he’s quitting, he needs to nut up and call his band. If he’s just irresponsible, well, that’s what you get for hiring a dude who sounds like he was named after a Flash Gordon villain.

If it’s number three, than I imagine that FFDP are about to be proven right – there is such a thing as bad publicity. Because, based on record sales and concert attendance, it seems that this band really does have a fan base regardless of how shitty they are, and I don’t think those fans will take kindly to be jerked around with regards to a situation that is potentially quite serious.

Then again, they’re FFDP fans, so maybe they’re too dumb to care.

And if the dude really is missing, well, I hope he’s okay. I may hate his music, but I don’t wish him bodily harm.

-AR

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