ANSO DF’S SPIRITED ENDORSEMENT OF SCORCHED-EARTH POLICY FOR SCION’S NO LABEL NEEDED CONTEST
Although the editors of MetalSucks get a vote in he Scion No Label Needed Contest, the staff of MetalSucks, alas, does not. Thus, over the course of the next few days, each MetalSucks writer will post an endorsement for his favorite finalist for the contest. You can check out all the finalists, and vote for your personal favorite, here.
The great thing about the No Label Needed contest is how it answers the question that we’ve all asked ourselves and each other about countless bands: “How on earth did these wankers get a record deal?” Sometimes the band seems too shitty to interest fiscally-minded music businesspeople. Just as often, I ask that when I’m just wondering why one featureless, unoriginal band landed a contract as opposed to the forty other turd merchants clad in identical clothes and writing the exact same retarded songs. But of course everybody knows that the answer, in each case ,is blowjobs. That’s how crappy/pointless bands get their chance at the big time. B to the lowjobs, people. Don’t look so surprised.
But do stop and realize the magnitude of our voting power in the No Label Needed contest. Though a panel of metal, ahem, experts (including MetalSucks’ own Vince Neilstein and Axl Rosenberg, natch) comprises 80% of the vote, our 20% could decide which hard-working and interesting band will be granted the support that enables them to give the fewest blowjobs possible on the hairy boner-strewn road to success. To the undecided, might I suggest you direct your vote to Scorched-Earth Policy, whose deceptively tasty “Dropping Names” hints at the riffage and the prettiness of Ozzy’s Black Sabbath? Now, this band might get signed anyway. But give them your vote if not for their well-punctuated name, then in hope that once they win, their new team of hard-ass metal consultants will advise them to de-Layne-ify their singer. Vote vote vote!