Laugh At Others' Misfortunes

SLIPKNOT’S CLOWN NEEDS TO RETIRE…HIS DAMN VIDEO CAMERA

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I know it’s not the most popular thing to admit to around these parts, but I really like Slipknot (up through V3:TSV, that is). I appreciate the fact that they bring a fairly heavy sound to the masses, flip the bird at their detractors, and continue moving forward despite alleged inner band turmoil, an increasingly fickle buying public, and the death of bassist Paul Gray.

Their side projects, on the other hand, have all left me cold. Stone Sour, Murderdolls, To My Surprise, Dirty Little Rabbits – bah! Nothin’.

So, when I heard on Monday that M. Shawn Crahan AKA “Clown” was interviewed on some internet radio show about his latest project, The Black Dots of Death, I decided to investigate. I had no interest in the 30-minute interview, so I opted for Clown’s own promo video for the record instead.

Now, I’m no Darren Aronofsky or David Cronenberg. Hell, I’m no Toetag Pictures for that matter. But this? This is simply gawdawful. It reeks of Film School 101 pretension. And, yes, I did graduate from the University of Texas with a degree in Radio-Television-Film, so I have a rudimentary understanding of filmic arrogance.

I began to scour the dusty archives here at the MetalSucks Mansion and uncovered an enlightening post by Axl about Crahan’s most recent boredom filler side project. Among the usual snarky comments, one person, Lady Death, somewhat captured my attitude about Crahan’s cinematic Walter Mittyisms:

As a Slipknot fan, I blame him for there being absolutely no decent behind the scenes Slipknot footage. For example, the Behemoth dvd that just came out has almost 2 hours of footage of the band members being “normal people.” Slipknot dvd has 45 minutes of random footage thrown together with only about 3 minutes concerning band members outside of playing music. I can’t connect to Slipknot because [he] is in charge of everything.

Strong words (I left out the harsher criticisms), but she makes an excellent point.

Somehow, I don’t think Crahan’s latest entry into the “I want to be David Lynch, Luis Buñuel, and/or John Cassavetes” video sweepstakes is going to win over the likes of Lady Death, or many others.

Oh well, at least Slipknot will be headlining Sonisphere this summer.

-CM

Corey Mitchell is a best-selling author of several true crime books. Sometimes, he wears a mask in the shower.

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