Hipsters Out Of Metal!

SWAN SONG: JUDAS PRIEST ON AMERICAN IDOL TONIGHT

300

You may agree with MetalSucks stud Axl Rosenberg (pictured here), who expressed today his waning respect for the totally petering-out Judass Priest. He’s right that there’s too much silliness — K.K. Downing’s departure, the half-committal end of major touring (whatever that means), crappy albums like Nostradamus — for all but superfans to maintain any reasonable level of excitement for this, the final act in the Priest saga. Surely, Judass Priest is one of metal’s first and finest; sadly, few tours have less juice than their newly-announced/unpromotable trek with BBQ-core bores Black Label Society and that Thin Lizzy cover band.

But that’s what they’ll be promoting on tonight’s American Idol finale, when they perform alongside ousted contestant Heavy Metal James Durbin. That’s the faux-hawked Tourettic guy who performed 60 seconds of “You’ve Got Another Thing Comin’” back in March.

What does this mean for metal people? Well, for those unjuiced by the band’s juiceless tour, the final and lasting visual contact with live Judas Priest spectacle will be on primetime television — sandwiched between performances by the U2-Spiderman broadway catastrophe and Lady Gaga, (who now claims heavy metal citizenship to set up her metal-themed single, “Judas”).

Further, if you don’t attend the farewell tour, the last time you’ll ever hear “Please welcome Judas Priest!” the words will be spoken by Ryan Seacrest. The final ovation that you’ll witness will come from an audience of moms, pre-teens, and Jennifer Lopez. Yep, the leather-clad band led by an enormous gay man with a banshee’s voice will bid most of us adieu on a network known for racist, sexist, pro-wealth, anti-humanist rhetoric. The final nationally-televised props for Rob Halford will amount to being addressed as “dog” and being described as “crazy good.”

–ADF

MetalSucks’ Idol Remains concludes tomorrow with final coverage of American Idol‘s horrible, life-wrecking, hopes-crushing finale. See you in hell, Idol fuckholes.

Show Comments
Metal Sucks Greatest Hits