Question Of The Week: Upside-Down Cross Contamination
Hey MetalSucks people! Welcome to Question Of The Week, our Friday survey of staff and u awesome readers! Hey have u ever admired that band Phish? They have this cool way of partying on Halloween: In concert they cover a complete album like Talking Heads Remain In Light (in 1996) or Exile On Main Street by the Rolling Stones (2009). That is an amazing idea, one flawed only in that Phish is annoying as fuck lol. So hey we may not have their resources, but all the same let’s daydream right now about a similar scenario in this amazing QOTW! Yaaay!
Inspired by the magic of interpretation and vibe synchronicity, we asked our staff the following:
A band that u love has just volunteered to play your awesome party! But there are conditions: They will perform 1.) none of their own stuff, and 2.) stuff only by one specific artist. Congrats! Tell us which band it is and whose music u shall ask them to play?
We make our/your wildest dreams come true below! Have an awesome wknd :)
I always wanted to start a mash-up cover band called Metallicars. Similar to Dread Zeppelin or Beatallica, except this band would only cover the first five official releases from each band. The thought of a Ric Ocasek vocal on “The Thing That Should Not Be” or James Hetfield warbling to “You’re Just What I Needed” would allow me to die a happy man.
Tool playing all of Pink Floyd’s Animals. ‘Nuff said.
The band is Mastodon, and they will be covering all Prince songs. To make the situation as weird as possible, I would only invite male MS staffers and really fat juggalo chicks from New England, then spike the punch with a shit-ton of Viagra… But the awesomest part is that this party is ACTUALLY in the works for our MS July Fourth extravaganza this summer!!!! Bring your own condoms, additional details TBA.
Wouldn’t it be incredible and totally apt for Steel Panther to jam a greatest hits set of Huey Lewis & The News? Because it would be so heavy and tight, we’d all have permission (so to speak) to unconditionally love Huey’s clever honky gems. And think of the snug fit of those jamz into the Sunset Strip vibe. In Steel Panther’s hands, “Stuck With You” and “If This Is It” would be about herpes and roofies, respectively. “I Want A New Drug” and “Power Of Love” would be shredded by singer Michael Starr, and on “Jacob’s Ladder” and “Walkin’ On A Thin Line” the Panther rhythm section would so totally slam buttholes. Shit, “Heart And Soul” has been just waiting for the invention of Steel Panther. Ugh this is such a hipster idea sorry everybody xoxo
I think I speak for all of us when I say that nothing could possibly top a performance by the lovely, talented, and fresh-smelling TAYLOR SWIFT. I’m thinking something really low-key and intimate that feels spontaneous, unplanned and impromptu (even though months and months of painstaking preparation went into it, with no detail left to chance).
Picture Tay-Tay sitting under a tree in a grassy field, the afternoon sun shining over her shoulder as a gentle breeze blows a few strands of blonde hair across her face, a single daisy tucked behind her ear. She picks up her acoustic guitar as a few friends gather around her, sitting in a semi circle. She smiles self-effacingly and says “oh my gosh, I haven’t practiced in a while, I’m so nervous” before strumming the opening notes of “You Belong With Me,” her voice ringing out like the sound of an angel’s whisper.
Today was a fairytale.
Damn, this is a good question. There are so many choices. The one that immediately comes to mind, and I’ll go with, would be a set of Clutch covering Black Sabbath. How cool would that be? Weed smoke filling the air, giant stoner-looking cross as the backdrop, and Neil Fallon & co. rocking out to “Sabra Cadabra,” “Hand of Doom,” and “NIB.” See, that’s the problem with this question–now I’m just sitting here wondering how the fuck I could organize this show.
I’d love to see Gorod’s funky, technical salad interpreted through the resiny lens of Intronaut. Both bands are excellent at manipulating rhythm, and Intronaut’s lower register would make the Gorod grooves really slam.
One of my all-time favorites is The Smiths. Though his self-deprecation is usually mistaken for whining, Morrissey’s pitch-black humor and turns of phrase combined with Johnny Marr’s guitar architecture created a virtually spotless discography in a brief lifespan. And I love Pantera for a similar reason: fascinating mind pontificating over six-stringed bonertimes. WHY NOT PUT THEM TOGETHER?! (Oh right, eight years ago some bag of diseased monkey cocks made sure that it could never happen.) Actually, Phil Anselmo and The Smiths aren’t strange bedfellows. So in cross-promotion for their imminent debut album, Phil Anselmo & The Illegals could spend an evening covering Manchester’s finest. A gathering of uncomfortable-looking hipsters and unpleasantly-scented longhairs would at least enjoy the novelty of it; hell, they could bond over microbrews and Throbbing Gristle. I imagine a new “Ebony and Ivory”-grade sense of unity between the long-suffering factions. Or not, and at least I’d get to hear Anselmo spit out a white-knuckled take on “You’ve Got Everything Now.” And an out-of-work John Bush can take over on “London” (here) when Anselmo breaks to take a piss.
DAVID LEE ROTHMUND
In honor of their upcoming album and party-till-death attitude, I’d recruit Children Of Bodom. Their Skeletons In The Closetcover album is a double orgasm of breadth and style. And even though their covers of “Bed of Nails” and “Rebel Yell” are fucking sick, I’d have them play Andrew W.K.! All fucking day. And all fucking night. Because what would be greater than Dr. Laiho jamming out songs with the word “party” every three lines? Free shots of Dan Aykroyd’s skull vodka, that’s what. So that’s what I’d be serving. All fucking day. And all fucking night. Because partying is serious business. Seriously.
I’d hire Kerry King, Tom Araya, Paul Bostaph and Gary Holt to play Slayer songs.