Tate-Free Version of Queensrÿche Produces the Grittiest Crime Film Since Inspector Gadget


Geoff Tate is such a dumbass that we sometimes forget that the other version of Queensrÿche, though superior to Tate’s from a musical standpoint, are not above dumbassery themselves. Take, for example, their new short film, Ad Lucem, which is Latin for “the stupidest fucking thing you’ll ever see.”

Now, I could go on and on (and on and on and on and on and…) about the many which in which Ad Lucem is a laughably massive failure. But there’s really no need to, because a) anyone with eyes and ears will figure it out on their own mere seconds after hitting “play,” and b) really, all of this piece of crap’s problems can be summed up in one line of dialogue. After a police captain (or it may be the D.A… or just some dude from internal affairs… really, the movie makes no effort to make it clear who the fuck he is) discovers that one of his officers is crooked, he calls that officer into his office and sternly tells him the following:

“We know you stole evidence, Brian. Now it’s your choice: cuffs or your badge.”

No. No, I’m sorry. If a police officer is caught stealing evidence, he doesn’t get to choose between jail time and losing his job. If for no other reason than because that choice implies that should he select jail time he will still, technically speaking, be a police officer.

And this isn’t the kind of information they teach you in law school. This is the kind of information that most small children would be able to deduce on their own. And yet, this line somehow got through however many people during pre-production, production, and post-production, and no one ever said “HEY STUPID DUMMIES THAT THIS THE DUMBEST STUPID THING IN THE HISTORY OF MORONS.”

On the bright side, now we all have this thing to laugh at.

You can watch Ad Lucem below. And let’s have a round of applause for director Daniel Andres Gomez Bagby, who, surely, is now well on his way to directing Goodfellas 2: Better Fellas.

[via Metal Underground]

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