The 66.6 Most Metal Movie Scenes of All Time: #4 through #2
On June 9th, independent heavy metal book publisher Bazillion Points will release Heavy Metal Movies, the ultimate guidebook to the complete molten musical cinema experience that features lavish illustrations and more than 666 of the most metallic movie moments of all time.
To celebrate, we’ve partnered with the book’s author, Mike “McBeardo” McPadden, to count down the 66.6 most metal movie scenes of all time right here on MetalSucks! Every other day through the book’s release on June 9th we’ll be revealing Mike’s picks along with brief write-ups penned by the author himself.
We’re almost there — today we cover #4 through #2 and on Monday we’ll reveal the #1 most metal movie scene of all time!
4. Heavy Metal Parking Lot (1986)
• Zebraman unleashed: “Madonna can go to hell as far as I’m concerned. She’s a dick!”
Heavy Metal Parking Lot is a seventeen-minute trip to hesher heaven circa 1986. It consists of camcorder-shot video of rapturous teens slamming beers, banging heads, and joyfully running their mouths outside a D.C.-area Judas Priest concert.
Every second of this underground VHS sensation is a highlight in itself, but outstandingly hard hails must go to “Zebraman,” a feather-maned firebrand nicknamed after his matching skin-tight shirt and pants who assigns phallic status to pop’s material girl and who also fails to foresee the fast-coming punk-metal crossover when he declares: “Heavy metal rules, all that punk shit sucks. It doesn’t belong in this world; it belongs on fuckin’ Mars, man! What the hell is punk shit?”
3. Black Roses (1988)
• Demonic rock band Black Roses con the town elders with an adult contemporary power ballad, then unleash full metal hellfire once the fogeys leave.
The same year as Geraldo Rivera’s NBC devil cult special (with guest King Diamond!) fanned America’s Satanic Panic flames to hysterical inferno levels, the fright flick Black Roses arrived in video stores in a super-cool, raised VHS box and essentially acted out the worst fears the public had regarding heavy metal seducing youths to the onerous damnations of the occult.
Black Roses, the titular band, are a cabal of demons bent on transforming the teens of small town Mill Basin into parent-eating Satanic zombies. When some local elders get suspicious, Black Roses invite them to a concert, then lull the old folk into foolish trust by serenading them with a hilariously bland love song. Once the satisfied geezers depart, the band plugs in, powers up, and all literal hell breaks loose.
2. The Decline of Western Civilization Part II: The Metal Years (1988)
• W.A.S.P. wastrel Chris Holmes floats in a pool and takes a vodka shower with his poor mom nearby.
After profiling SoCal punks such as Black Flag, Germs, X, and Fear in her 1981 breakthrough The Decline of Western Civilization (1981), master documentarian Penelope Spheeris returned to a very different Sunset Strip culture later in the decade, chronicling hair-hopped headbangers in hot pursuit of gold records, good times, and groupies fresh from between-band bikini contests held at pay-to-play rock club Gazzarri’s.
If much of Decline II comes off as a party-hearty good time bash, the Chris Holmes interview is the movie’s heavy-duty hangover crash. Fully clothed and paralyzed drunk, Holmes deliriously rambles about being a “piece of crap”, “a full-blown alcoholic,” and, at 29, “an old fuck” while floating on a pool chair and tormenting his clearly put-upon mom who sits alongside the water.
Holmes punctuates his screed by pouring a full bottle of vodka over his head, while announcing: “I’m the happiest son-of-a-bitch and motherfucker that ever was!” He then gulps down whatever’s left of the vodka — along with Mrs. Holmes’ dignity.
Catch up on the rest of the countdown here: