The Hell Manage the Impossible, Make Nickelback Sound Good
Presumably taking his cues from the state of Idaho, where Nickelback has already been banned, last week a man launched a crowdfunding campaign to keep that band out of London forever and all time. You would think an endeavor of such noble purpose would be met with a seemingly-endless parade of support from the metal community, given that Nickelback being a complete waste of oxygen is pretty much THE ONE THING on which every metal fan can agree.
And yet the only band to publicly support the attempt to keep Nickelback out of The Land of Great Food and Even Better Dentistry came from the UK’s own The Hell, who posted the below message on Facebook…
“WE SAW ALL THE PETITIONS AND CROWDFUNDS AND SHIT GOING AROUND TO STOP THE NICKELBACKS PLAYING IN THE UK SO WE THOUGHT WE’D GIVE THE FANS SOMETHING TO ENJOY. I DON’T GET THE HATE ON THEM PERSONALLY, I MEAN MY MUM AND ALL HER OLDER MATES LOVE THE NICKELBACKS PLUS I READ AN ARTICLE ABOUT HOW COCKER SPANIEL ADOPTIONS HAVE QUADRUPLED SINCE THE NICKELBACKS HIT THE CHARTS”
…along with the below cover of one of Nickelback’s hits*, which is really brilliant, because not only is it a 10,000% less irritating than the original, but it will FINALLY demonstrate for the members of what their music sounds like to the rest of us:
Although The PRP surmises that “it’s just as likely Photoshop was involved,” The Hell even claim to have caught flak from the latest targets of their satire:
But assuming it WASN’T ‘Shopped, I wanna go on record right now as saying I would pay an outrageous amount of money to watch Nickelback fight, well… anybody. I’ve met kittens that are more vicious than these dudes.
*I think it’s the first one that ever came out — y’know, the one that made them famous and kicked off the 21st century’s downfall of meaningful culture — but don’t quote me on that. All of the band’s songs sound exactly the same, so it’s hard to remember in what order they were unleashed by Active Rock radio.