The Balloon Boy Made a Metal Song About Being the Balloon Boy
Does the name Falcon Heene mean anything to you? It’s okay if it doesn’t — I had completely forgotten about young Falcon myself. So allow me to refresh your memory: in 2009, a Colorado couple, Richard and Mayumi Heene, claimed that their then-six-year-old son, Falcon, was trapped inside a hot hair balloon they had constructed, and which was now flying about 7,000 feet in the air. It was eventually discovered that Falcon had been hiding in the family’s attic, and authorities surmised that the whole thing had been a hoax perpetrated by Richard and Mayumi. Not helping the family’s case: this damning Wolf Blitzer interview with the Heene family, in which young Falcon, when asked by his dad why he was hiding in the attic, says “You guys said that we did this for the show.”
Amazingly enough, the Heenes claim it wasn’t a hoax to this day.
And even more amazing: Richard is now “managing” Heene Boyz, a metal band featuring Falcon (who is now eleven) and his brothers (Richard’s other sons, duh), Ryo (age thirteen) and Bradford (age fifteen). They claim to be “the world’s youngest metal band,” despite the fact that they are definitely not the world’s youngest metal band (at best, they might be tied for that title).
And even more amazing: they wrote a song called “Balloon Boy No Hoax,” which is about exactly what you think it’s about.
And even more amazing: the song’s lyrics. These include the phrase “Who the hell is Wolf?” (as though Wolf Blitzer weren’t incredibly well-known, and 100% more random people on the street wouldn’t be able to identify Wolf Blitzer more readily than they’d be able to identify Falcon Heene), as well as the lines “Threaten to deport/ My mother/ My dad copped a plea” and — my personal favorite — “You can suck my ass.”
And even MORE amazing: the song appears on an album called Finger it Out, which is probably not the most appropriate title for a band whose singer isn’t even in puberty yet.
And ever MORE amazing: they made a video for that song. It’s not exactly “November Rain.”
So, yeah, this is pretty fucking bizarre.
Here are some other hilarious/strange videos from the Heene Boyz. I could probably devote an entire post to each of these, they’re so, y’know, hilarious and strange. One of them is for the title track for Finger it Out, and the entire chorus is sung in text-friendly abbreviations. The other is about what happens when you let an eleven-year-old boy drive a Toyota Tundra (SPOILER ALERT: it does not go well).
Major, major, MAJOR props to our buddy Nick for bringing this to our attention. Thanks, son!!!