The Osbournes Television Show Might Be a Thing Again


The OsbournesIt was recently announced that Showtime will be reviving the twenty-five-year-old cult classic television series, Twin Peaks, for nine episodes in 2016, and fans of great television across the globe rejoiced. But, surely, this quote Sharon Osbourne recently gave to some talk show in the U.K. will cause celebrations of such magnitude that they will resemble riots:

“Ozzy has decided that he wants to do another few episodes — not a whole season, about eight episodes — of ‘The Osbournes’. It’s been 13 years since the last one. He said that for the whole three years that we did it, he was drunk the whole time, so he said he would like to do one where he is completely sober, as he is now…”

Ms. Osbourne continued:

“It’s not forever. It’s no more than eight episodes. Because it’s been thirteen years and our lives have changed so much, it’s a kind of catchup. It’s like, ‘What are they doing now?’ That’s it.”

Which is ridiculous, because we all know what they’re doing now: Sharon is keeping busy by fucking with Bill Ward, Kelly has launched a brilliant acting career, Jack is making babies with a very attractive woman that would wanna be with him even if he wasn’t rich, Amy is the total fuck-up who for some inexplicable reason won’t allow herself to be a part of the show, and Ozzy, of course, continues to be the single finest walking-talking anti-drug PSA of his generation.

So I suspect Sharon was just covering for the real reason they wanna revive The Osbournes: public demand! Not a day goes by that I don’t hear someone say “Gee, I really wish they’d bring back The Osbournes!” It’s really kind of hilarious. It’s must be the most-used phrase this side of “I hate blowjobs!” and “I can’t wait to hear the new Crazy Town album!!!”

[via Metal Injection]


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