BREAKING: Emmure’s Frankie Palmeri Admits to Being a Human!!!
The admission came as part of an announcement regarding a recent show cancellation for the nu-deathcore band:
This, of course, contradicts with Palmeri’s 2011 claim that he may “belong to something not of this world” — an assertion which many believed to be true, as it would account for his monstrous vocals, terrible taste in music, and ability to hold sway over thousands of fans despite a complete lack of talent. Given Before It’s News‘ recent report that “Reptilians regularly and increasingly possess humans” and that “Manipulating humans for their own twisted goals is a time-honored reptilian tactic,” the idea that Palmeri might himself be descended from Koopa seemed more plausible than ever.
With this revelation, then, comes a crushing defeat: if Palmeri isn’t using special alien forces to get fans, then that means the fans just legitimately like Emmure… and that means we are one step closer to Idiocracy becoming a reality. Someone get me some poisoned Kool-Aid, please.