I did a Google image search for “Frankie Palmeri” and this was one of the first pics to come up. Hey, works for me.

Alright, so multiple readers sent us a link to this track by track breakdown of the new Emmure album, Speaker of the Dead, that the band’s vocalist, Frankie Palmeri, just did for AP. Now, we already knew that Frankie was into some pretty weird shit, but this just takes that weird shit to a whole new level.

It would also seem to prove that this guy is mentally handicapped and should probably not be allowed to talk to small children or operate heavy machinery.

And so, after the jump, read all of Frankie’s thoughts on the new Emmure album, as well as my thoughts on those thoughts, natch.

Children Of Cybertron
“Children Of Cybertron” is dedicated to all the diehard Emmure fans and to every Decepticon that stays true to us. We are all one, and this song is our anthem!

Alright so other than the fact that I didn’t know that Emmure call their fans “Decepticons” until just now, there’s nothing especially weird about this. I dunno why you’d name your fans after the bad robots from Transformers instead of the good robots, but Slipknot call their fans “maggots” so whatever I guess.

This is the first thing that comes up when you Google the phrase “Emmure Decepticons.”

Area 64-66
For about two years now, I’ve been having a lot of extraterrestrial and spiritual awakenings. I had kind of buried this memory of seeing a UFO as small child around the age 9 or 10. It literally came within feet of my window and flew into the sky faster than I could blink. This song has a lot to do with that event, questioning my place in the universe and wondering if maybe I belong to something not of this world.

So the thing is, I actually do think it’s entirely possible that there’s life on other planets; the universe is a really, really big place, and as I understand it, we’ve covered very little of it, so, sure, life may have evolved elsewhere. But I don’t think they’re constantly coming to Earth and anally probing us or making us build pyramids or whatever; in fact, I would not be surprised if they were as unaware of our existence as we are of theirs. And even though he’s certainly a weird dude, I don’t think that Palmeri is “something not of this world” — I meet dumb people who believe dumb things every day, and it doesn’t make them frickin’ E.T. So… I don’t know how old Palmeri is, and I can’t seem to find that information on the internet, but I’d wager he’s somewhere between the ages of 25 and 30, which means he would have been somewhere between the ages of 1 and 6 when the move *batteries not included was released. I think his “buried memory” is probably of seeing that movie on television or something. It sure does sound like he’s describing that movie. Just a hunch.

“…a UFO… literally came within feet of my window.”

Dogs Get Put Down
I wrote this song in response to all the threats I’ve constantly gotten to my life and well-being. The title is a reference to one of my favorite movies, Watchmen. There’s also a line in the song inspired by the movie Pet Sematary.

I get death threats sometimes too, so I sympathize. I don’t really understand why you’d use this particular quote from Watchmen to address that issue, though — Rorschach  says it to a kiddie rapist right before putting a cleaver in his skull, which, y’know, the guy had coming ’cause he was a kiddie rapist. So unless Palmeri identifies strongly with the kiddie rapist, I think he’s adopting the wrong character’s point of view here. Also, if Watchmen is one of your favorite movies, you need to see more movies. Also, if you refer to Watchmen as a “movie,” I don’t like you.

Fun fact: Jackie Earle Haley has played not one but TWO kiddie rapists, AND a killer of kiddie rapists. Now THAT’s range.

Demons With Ryu
This is one of the first songs I’ve ever written about a completely fictional character. I become the narrator of his story. Although some think this is purely about my love for [the classic video game] Street Fighter, I’m actually speaking on how relatable the character Ryu is.

How relatable the… what the fuck? Isn’t Street Fighter, like, one of the most one-dimensional games ever, character-wise? I don’t remember it having much of a story. This is like saying “I really empathize with Mario from Super Mario Bros., because we both like mushrooms and princesses.” IGN even wrote the following about the character Palmeri is talking about: “Ryu is a testament to the virtue of simplicity in character design… Beneath the surface, he’s just as simple. There’s not much in the way of complicated backstory behind him.” So Frankie Palmeri relates strongly with a one-dimensional character. That actually makes sense I guess. It’s not like we’d believe him if he said he was reading The Brothers Karamazov, y’know?

Solar Flare Homicide
This song is about the outcome of solar winds hitting the earth and destroying the entire world’s electronics. Imagine a world of total darkness, zero communication and complete anarchy… and how much you could get away with in it. Well, in this case, I’m talking about getting even with old foes since there’s no order or law.

Yep, ’cause if the apocalypse ever comes, getting even with old foes is going to be first and foremost on my mind. Not food or water or medicine or taking care of my loved ones, but, rather, taking advantage of the fact that everyone else will be too worried about that shit to care about me killing someone. Seems like a sound plan to me!

Eulogy Of Giants
If you’re not familiar with the Scriptures and tales of the Nephilim, they were a race supposedly destroyed so that the powers of this world could maintain control and not be threatened by their “cross-breed” offspring. Basically, there will always be people to oppress those who have the power to make change. We must learn that this is very capable of happening to us, and we cannot let it happen.

Holy crap, he’s like one secret trip to a gay bar away from being a Scientologist. I can’t believe his bandmates listen to him saying this shit and just nod and go “Yep, so worth it to keep this dude around.”

Bohemian Grove
Bohemian Grove is a 2,700-acre campground located in Monte Rio, California, belonging to a private, San Francisco-based men’s art club known as the Bohemian Club. In mid-July each year, Bohemian Grove hosts a two-week encampment of some of the most powerful men in the world. There is a rumored dark and ugly history to the club that allegedly involves molestation and sacrificing of young men and boys for ritualistic purposes. I was inspired by the damaged and lost souls of Bohemian Grove to spread the message that this elitist and power-hungry congregation must be put to an end. This song has reflections and undertones between the emotional division of fathers and their sons.

Okay, so besides the general silliness of this theory, the sentence “This song has reflections and undertones between the emotional division of fathers and their sons” does not mean anything. Read it carefully — or if, you’re above the age of six, just read it normally — IT HAS NO MEANING.

Actual documentary footage taken at Bohemian Grove.

4 Poisons 3 Words
This song has a lot of personal reference to relationships in my life that I thought were deteriorating, and the lesson learned to always communicate with people that matter to you. There’s no reason to ever feel alone.

I actually have nothing funny or disparaging to say about this quote. It’s maybe the first thing he’s said in this entire interview that makes any sense whatsoever. So, uh, good for Frankie I guess.

Cries Of Credo
“Cries Of Credo” is dedicated to the great and wise Credo Mutwa and his teachings of the Zulu Pantheon, which is the true origin of man. I was inspired to share my feelings towards the stories Credo has shared with the world, especially one involving being abducted and raped by aliens. I know to some, this might seem very strange and far-fetched, but this is a man with a message that must be heard. The song also deals with sexual abuse and questioning one’s faith in religion and God.

Honestly, I stopped reading after “the great and wise Credo Mutwa and his teachings of the Zulu Pantheon,” ’cause I already saw Star Wars. It was a good movie. He’s talking about the scene with that green bounty hunter dude from the cantina, right?

Credo shot first.

Last Words To Rose
In “Last Words To Rose,” I’m speaking through a spiritual, alternate identity I have discovered of myself known as the character “M. Bison.” This song is about his relationship with another character who is only known as “Rose.” This song would take a lot of personal research for people to completely grasp the message.

Okay, so I’m never going to do the “personal research” it would allegedly take me to “completely grasp the message” of this song, but I did think the name “M. Bison” sounded familiar, so I looked it up and guess what? He’s another character from Street Fighter. (Come ON, dude. I thought it was a fun game, too, but I wouldn’t base my entire fucking existence around it.) So Frankie didn’t “discover” M. Bison — he just saw M. Bison. Probably roughly around the same time that millions of people all over the world saw M. Bison. Man, I would give anything to have been a fly on the wall the first time this dude saw the sun. “Holy shit you guys, you’ll never believe what I found! There’s, like, this huge ball of light in the sky! IT’S AMAZING!!!”

Frankie’s “spiritual, alternate identity”

A Voice From Below
This is a true battle cry and a message to all people of the world that we are entering trying times in all corners of the globe. I am hoping to spread hope to others who might feel as trapped as I do. We live in a world built by illusionists and secret-keepers. It’s time to break free of the illusion and open the classified file. We all deserve truth and freedom.

I actually agree with everything Frankie says here. Except I bet he thinks “the classified file” (holy shit I hope he means that as a metaphor and doesn’t literally think there’s one single classified file with all the world’s secret valuable information in it) probably has cheat codes to Street Fighter or something like that, whereas I’d like to think it contains information which is, y’know, important.

Drug Dealer Friend
At first listen, I’m sure a lot of people will probably think this song is about a female, but it’s not. This is about discovering just how weak people can be when it comes to substance abuse and how blind they become to how it affects the people around them.

I don’t think Frankie meant to imply that women can’t suffer from substance abuse problems, so I’ll ignore that part. But I did look up the lyrics to see how listeners might be confused about the topic of the song, and as it turns out, it would be incredibly easy. The track only has four lines of lyrics, and they are as follows: “I wanna watch you suck his dick/ I know you fucking love it bitch/ Do you see me now?/ Look into my fucking eyes.” And then it repeats for three minutes. So, yep, that does, in fact, seem like it’s a song about a female, and in no way implies that it has any connections to substance abuse. Dude could have added, I dunno, at least a fifth line to make it clear he was talking about having a drug problem, but, no, he wrote those four lines and was like, “Yeah, this communicates everything I wanna say.”

Just like Alice in Chains’ “Junkhead,” only awful.

My Name Is Thanos
Consider this song an introduction to things to come. For the record, my name is Thanos Reignz, although you may know me as Frankie Palmeri. My true self is beginning to emerge, and this song is merely a preview of the story I am preparing to share with the world.

He’s creating an alternate identity for himself, and the best name he could come up with is the word “reigns” with a “z” instead of an “s,” the way a retard or Limp Bizkit fan might write it? Seriously? And by the way, “Thanos” is a character from a comic book. So of Frankie’s two alternate identities (which he may or may not actually believe are his true identities), he stole one name from a video game, and one name from a comic book. I know three year olds with more imagination than this guy. It’s amazing he doesn’t think his real name is “Sidewalk Tree” or “Desk Lamp” or something like that.

Frankie’s “true self.”

Lights Bring Salvation
A lot of people who are reading this might have heard or read about my beliefs in a planet called Nibiru, and that it is on collision with Earth. But a lot of you might not be aware of something called the Ashtar Command. To fully grasp this song, it will take a lot of personal research on both these subjects. But to knock this down into a few words, the song is about the “what if” of a possible star or planet crashing into the Earth, and if we are going to be saved. If some of us are and some of us are not, who will you reach out to save your soul?

Now, c’mon, Frankie, that’s just nuts. If we collide with Nibiru, I’m not gonna worry about saving my soul — I’m gonna be too busy getting even with old foes, since there will be no order or law. Why would you possibly squander such an amazing opportunity?

Words Of Intulo
The last track to Speaker Of The Dead is the epitome of the entire record. The song is the message sent by Intulo to mankind, taken from the teachings of Credo Mutwa and the Zulu Pantheon. When you pick up the album, the scripture of the Zulu Pantheon is found in place of the lyrics. This is a very important piece to the puzzle of mankind.

I looked up Intulo just to make sure it wasn’t a character from Street Fighter, and it’s not — it’s a creature from Final Fantasy.

Yep.

So, basically, if you take Emmure seriously, you are stupid.

-AR