Survey Shows Metalheads Less Likely To Give You Up, Let You Down, Run Around And Desert You
Metalheads love acting like they’re fast and loose sex machines who are too restless and wild to fall in love. But we all know that most metal fans are in fact hopeless romantics who see love in grandiose epic saga terms. Admit it, we’re saps.
And a recent survey has just proven that we’re also more faithful than other music fans! A website named Victoria Milan, which appeals to “attached” people seeking affairs took a survey among approximately 6,500 of its members about their taste in music and whether it makes them think of their illicit lovers. The study showed that 3/4 of cheaters think about their lover when listening to their favorite tunes.
Here’s a breakdown of the results by musical taste:
Classical music: 8%
Rock and roll: 5%
Heavy metal: 2%
There you have it, folks. Jazz or salsa musicians might seem like well-taught citizens of the world, but they’re also probably doing oral with your roommate.
The obvious joke to make here is that metalheads are loyal because they’re lucky enough to find one person who would stoop to banging them, much less two. But I think the truth’s a little more endearing: metalheads are grateful. They’ve spent a lot of their lives being told they’re stupid, evil, irrelevant, or lame. When they find someone or something that sees the good in them, they hold onto it. That’s why metal bands usually take the time during live performances to thank the crowd for coming out and supporting metal; they recognize how cool it is that something as simple as a metal show has happened. Meanwhile, big pop stars often forget the name of the city they’re playing.
So, ladies, gentlemen, if you want a faithful lover who won’t break your heart, please: go fuck a metalhead.