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The New Lynch Mob Song is Making Me Hungry

  • Axl Rosenberg

george lynch jelly roll

Recipe for Lynch Mob’s “Jelly Roll”

4 well-knownish hair metal musicians, separated
3/4 cup familiar, bluesy riff, sifted
3/4 teaspoon lyrics about being too horny to do domestic chores
1/4 teaspoon lyrics using a pastry as a metaphor for sex à la Warrant’s “Cherry Pie”
Shreddy guitar leads for dusting, sifted
1 cup nostalgia, stirred well
Whipped cream

Preheat oven to 1987 degrees F.

In a small studio beat musicians until they remember it’s this or work at Denny’s and set aside. Gradually add the shreddy leads. Sift together the lyrics. Mix well. Bake for 3:31 or until George Lynch looks thirty again.

Loosen edges, invert onto a towel dusted with confectioners’ cocaine. Gently peel revitalizing skin mask. Watch George Lynch trim 1/4-inch tape, remind him no one works with tape anymore. Cool on Best Buy rack for 10 to 15 minutes. Move to bargain bin. Cover with whipped cream. Voilà!

Lynch Mob’s new album, Rebel, is out August 21 on Frontiers.

[via Metal Underground]

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