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For What are Metal Musicians Thankful? 2015 Edition

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Tomorrow is Thanksgiving! Even as I type this, all inhabitants are vacating the MetalSucks Mansion for to eat, drink, and be merry about the fact that their ancestors hadn’t yet immigrated to America when the Native Americans were slaughtered. We’ll be back Monday. Our apologies to non-‘Muricans and poor saps who have to work for not providing entertainment in the interim.

But before we go, we wanted to update last year’s list of reasons for metal musicians to be thankful. We hope you enjoy it. Actually, “hope” is a strong word. Enjoy it or don’t. I’m gonna go get hammered…

Lars Ulrich is thankful that he still has a job.

P.O.D. are thankful for having the best luck ever when it comes to free publicity.

Brooks Wackerman is thankful that nobody besides us remembers that he was in Bad4Good.

Bassists are thankful that Glenn Fricker is no longer doing The Week in Metal.

Maynard James Keenan is grateful that the fans he called “retards” can’t read.

Tony Laureano is thankful for Lamb of God’s touring schedule.

All Shall Perish are thankful for good lawyers.

Fred Durst is thankful that Crimea still considers him a celebrity.

Vinnie Paul is thankful for bandanas.

Mick Thompson is thankful that he doesn’t have to see his brother this Thanksgiving.

Ivan Moody is thankful for Varg Vikernes.

Corpsegrinder’s Neck is thankful for nothing; it owes all of its good fortune to its own incredible power.

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