Breaking: Metal Won’t Fuck Up Your Child


We’ve known for some time that little kids love metal, because let’s face it, kids are cooler than adults. They’re aware that a luxury sedan and a diversified portfolio are stupid to care about, while dinosaurs and superheroes are killer.

But according to Wired Magazine’s Mr. Know It All, it’s also okay for your child to listen to metal. Apparently, the idea that one genre of music is somehow better for a baby’s development than another is baloney.

According to Mr. Know It All:

“As long as you keep your kid from seeing theHouses Of The Holy cover art, her brain will be just fine. There’s exactly zero evidence that one kind of music helps cognitive development more than any other.

“Plus, the supposed benefits of music come from learning to play an instrument – not just kicking back and admiring John Bonham’s drum solo in Moby Dick.

“If your tyke digs the Kitty Pap more than Physical Graffiti – suck it up. A little Wiggles now may pain your ears, but it could mean a Whole Lotta Love for the better stuff down the line.

“I certainly agree that Do The Monkey by The Wiggles belongs right next to the Barney and Elmo theme songs on Volume One ofBeelzebub’s Greatest Hits, but don’t forget the first tenet of parenthood – it’s not about you.”

Solid points, all.

Maybe the reason non-metal fans think metal is harmful to children is that we always like to portray it as something we love until it hurts us–melts our faces, makes our ears bleed, et cetera. Some might also claim that the subject matter is too dark, but you know what helps deal with that is actually talking to your children about it, letting them know they won’t get sanded faceless by Corpsegrinder the same way they won’t get eaten by closet monsters.

Anyway, headbanger parents, rejoice: it has been scientifically proven that you’re doing no harm. Strap your kids in the car seat and blast some Taiwanese slam on the way to school.

[via Metal Hammer]

Tags: ,
Show Comments
Metal Sucks Greatest Hits