As I Lay Dying’s Tim Lambesis Suing Prison Medical Team for $35 Million Because He Has Moobs Now

  • Axl Rosenberg

Gynecomastia, which the Mayo Clinic defines as “swelling of the breast tissue in boys or men, caused by an imbalance of the hormones estrogen and testosterone,” is no laughing matter. Commonly known as “man boobs,” “moobs,” “man titties,” etc., it is a horrible and embarrassing condition, and it is absolutely not cool to make fun of a man who is suffering from it.

Unless that person is in prison for trying to have his wife killed. In which case, fuck it, all bets are off.

So: Loudwire reports that not only is incarcerated As I Lay Dying vocalist Tit Lamboobies currently suffering from gynecomastia, but he’s suing the medical teams at the San Diego County Sheriff Department’s Vista Detention and George F. Bailey Detention Facilities as a consequence.

Lamboobies says that before he was sent to prison, a doctor prescribed a drug anastrozole to combat withdrawal from the anabolic steroids he’d been taking. But when he arrived at Vista, a nurse named Mary Abiaro told him they didn’t have that medication on hand. She then allegedly didn’t add the medication to the singer’s medical records, so he didn’t get his meds on time, and then he grew titties. Lamboobies seems to think this will hurt his career more than attempting to hire a hit man to whack his wife already has, so he’s seeking $35 million in damages.

From the lawsuit:

“On or about June 10, 2014, my very fears evinced themselves upon my physique in the first palpable formings of, painfully sensitive, breast enlargement. Panic striken — at these initial signs of gynecomastia, I began to physically shake uncontrollably; shivering with battling anxiety and depression. Such chronic anxiety caused me to compulsively rub and scratch myself excessively and upon unusual places of my person.

“On or about July 10, 2014, I noticed my breasts ceased enlargening; having attained gynecomastic maturation, that is, fully formed male mammaries, respectively. The terror I felt at this moment of confirmed maturation has left me traumatized indefinitely. Without further recourse, knowing the situation hopeless; I could not help but test the painful sensitivity of my fully formed breasts with hardened hurtful nipples, I examined my body compulsively, frantically.

“On July 11, 2014, I enjoyed visitation with GBDF Doctor John Serra. Serra was the professional to my patient. Serra expressly appreciated my gynecomastic constitution; noted, and treated, the rectal tag I had developed, expedited my (anastrozole) prescription, and ordered my medication be administered effective immediately.

“On July 17, 2014, I finally began receiving daily dosages of anastrozole.

“By the time I enjoyed my right to adequate medical care — while incarcerated — the damage was done. I now suffer the adverse adornment of fully formed breasts, respectively, upon my physique — that is, a permanent gynecomastic consitution. To date, the pain and ultra-sensitivity associated with my, now, male mammaries remains. Worst of, all is the anxiety and depression I experience just knowing, feeling, seeing, the protuberances that are my male breasts.

“As I am a stage performer by profession, much of my act is based upon the visual stimulus of audience perception — i.e., as a front man of leading rockstardom, my continued success is contingent upon my projecting a favorable physical image, Now, with the advent of these unsightly breasts, my music career shall undoubtedly suffer monetarily.

“Therefore I demand compensatory relief: recompense the medical cost of the surgeries necessitated to redress my breasts to normal, masculine comforts; recompense the projected costs of psychotherapy thus in treating the mental trauma — e.g., extreme anxiety, severe depression, mental anguish, emotional distress — I continue to endure proximate the, respective, gross negligence and deliberate indifference to my serious medical needs that VDF Nurse Mary Abiaro, GBDF ‘Doctor’ Pace have afforded me; recompense the loss of revenue concerning my career as a stage performer — i.e., the adverse affects, monetary losses, that my unsightly breasts have had upon my illustrious, tremendously marketable and exceedingly profitable, image of commanding physicality. Even my songwriting has been adversely affected as my guitar brushes against my sensitive breasts thus disrupting my very concentration ceasing valuable production.”

“Of leading rockstardom”? Seriously, bruh? Don’t get me wrong, AILD were very successful, but Lamboobies wasn’t exactly Booboncé, now, was he?

Regardless, per Nurse Abiaro’s request, California District Court Judge Michael Anello has dismissed Lamboobies’ punitive damages claim, but his medical negligence claim is still currently scheduled to begin trial on August 8 of next year. You can read his complaint here and here.

Lamboobies is currently a little more than two years into a six year stay in prison, where he is presumably very popular.

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